What Women Really Want: Part I

I hope everyone is following through on the Developing Your Bucket List posts?  I will address this more later this week. 

Today I want to talk about women, those strange creatures that vex us, trap us and then end up living with us for years and years. 

I thought I knew women after studying and studying and trying to figure them out but I am finding everyday they are still a mystery to me. 

So, I read all the marriage books (so you don't have to) and try to give the cliff notes version here on Legacy Dad.  Recently I have been listening to the Audiobook of
For Men Only and have learned some pretty profound stuff, read on...

Cuban_cigar_women Epiphany #1  - Women Need A Popup Blocker

Womens emotions are like popup windows on a computer, they can popup at any time.  It could be an old memory, a fight from three weeks ago or just something she forgot to do and all of a sudden BLAM! that emotion has popped up and now she is feeling that emotion with the same intensity as when she first experienced it.  The worst part is, they don't have a popup blocker.  So she might have some unresolved conflict with us from back when Stone Temple Pilots were on tour come popping up and all of a sudden she is angry or sad or frustrated and it doesn't go away until she resolves it. 

You see, God gave us men the blessing of emotional procrastination and prioritization.  We can simply put off emotions until we have time to process them later or days/weeks from now.  Women cannot. 

Just the basic knowledge of this has helped me in the past week.  I now understand that when my wife is feeling a certain way, it could be from something days or weeks ago and the best thing I can do is talk to her and listen. 

Remember, don't be Mr. Fixit, just listen and help her to come to her own resolution. 

Epiphany #2  - Bust Your Butt In The Right Areas

Fill Her Emotional Love Tank?

This one caught me by surprise although my wife has been trying to tell me this for awhile.   
Emtionaltank_2

According to the surveys done in the book:      

Women prefer emotional security over financial security. 

Now does this mean we can chuck our jobs and sit on the couch?  Of course not.  Women do of course expect a level of financial security. But in most womens priority list, spending more time with her and the family is more important than a bigger house, nicer cars and a fully stocked 401k. 

For men however, we feel secure when there is money in the bank and often feel a pull to be the best provider possible which we often translate as more financial security.

For women however, security means feeling close, connected and being around in the relationship. 

In a survey, 7 out of 10 married women said they would prefer financial struggles over distance in the relationship. 

To further unpack this:  Women prefer their husbands to be around more rather than having more money.  They would choose their husbands happiness over having more things, vacations, financial abundance.

Mr. Provider - 75% of men are always conscious of their burden to provide for the family and most of us like it this way. 

For men, what we do, in a lot of ways defines us. 

We think longer hours at work = more money = more love? 

Women however see this:

longer hours at work = work is your main priority = you care more about your work than the family.

Okay, so here is what they really want from us:

1. She feels the two of you are close
2. She sees that you make time together a priority
3. She sees your commitment to her
4. She sees your active in the life of the home
5. She sees you making an effort to provide as long as that isn't in the way of 1-4.

For women, it is more about the effort you put into the relationship that matters.  She measures your commitment based on your level of effort, not based on the results. 

This is hard for men because me like to measure things in dollars, cents, yards, and touchdowns.  Measuring emotions is measured how?   Beats me?

Finally, women want us to be happy.

The survey pointed out that 70% women would not only want us to take a job that allowed us more time with the family but also a job that allowed us more time for us to follow our dreams.

Women DO NOT like to see their men go to a job they hate just for the fact of finances.  She would much rather have a less stressed husband, making less money but spending his free time with the family and following his true callings.

Huh? 

The survey also pointed out that women would not want their husbands to take a lower paying job to spend more time with the family but then ultimately feel unfulfilled?

So whats the bottom line? 

Spend more time with the family and less time in the office. 
Also use your free time to follow your true dreams and callings
Financial Security does not mean marital security. 

Until next time.