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Top 10 Ways To Build Up Your Wife (And Electrify Your Marriage)

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:7 ESV

I challenge you to think about this verse often.  Repeat it.  Memorize it.  Live it. Love it.  Breathe it.  And when your forget it, repeat these steps again :)

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These are the TOP 10 ways to build your wife up (and electrify your marriage)

1) Pray for your wife daily - ask God to guide your way and your mood and your approaching her.  Remember that she is a daughter of the King.  He has given you the right to be married to His daughter.  It would behoove you to remember that when you meet him at the Judgement Seat of Christ that He will ask you what you did for his kingdom, how you treated His treasures (your time, talent and treasure).  He will ask you how you treated your children and the least of these and how you loved and affirmed and cared for your wife (His daughter) - don't blow it!

2) Love your wife - do not withhold love from her. Love her unconditionally. Do not forget #1.  Remember to kiss her, to hug her, to love her.  Communicate with her and tell her you dreams and struggles, share life together.  To serve her better, read 1 Corinthians 13, Ephesians 5.

3) Serve your wife - yes, you work long hours (most men do) yes, you are likely the main bread winner.  Yes, the world (we think) revolves us, BUT remember to keep engaged with her. Great Men often have to pull a double shift every day. Fight for her time, attention, affection and love.  Serve her, comfort her and attend her - no matter what.  Even if she is a hard woman, even if she doesn't want to be loved anymore by you.  Even if she doesn't return those attributes to you (be the servant leader, do not discard your duties.)

4) Read God's Word daily - the more you put God's word in your life, the more His ways center your ways, which will help you love your wife more.

5) Die to self, live for her.  When you were dating your wife before marriage, you could not do anything more to please her, pursue her, and to love her - so why did you stop now or lessen this intensity.  You're a man!  You have talent - You can do this - Step it up!  Man up! #DateYourWife

6) Sing to her- unless your voice is abysmal, then play music for her or learn the piano/guitar and serenade here just with the music or radio and a smile

7) If you are blessed to have kids with this treasure of a wife - then be a fully engaged dad.  Roll up your sleeves.  "Get in the game, Maverick!" (reference Top Gun).  She will love you more for that - trust me and our kids desire no less.

8) Affirm her - let her know that she is wonderful, BUT together you two can be great(er)!

9) Care for her - don't talk down to her.  Do not belittle her.  No matter how mad she gets you, don't ever degrade her to your friends, children or family - remember whose daughter she is.

10) If you are already doing number 1 thru 9 - don't celebrate yet.  As spiritual leader you have to raise up your family.  You have to love, comfort and urge your wife to live a life worthy of God.  Pray for her, Pray with her.  Get a PhD in your wife.  Even if you are not doing 1 thru 9, step 10 is the beginning and the key to igniting a pathway to God's plans for you and your marriage.

What are some of your lists?

Blessings,

Dante

Top 10 Secrets For A New Dad

#1           LOVE YOUR WIFE (NO MATTER HOW BIG SHE GETS) AND IF SHE ASKS IF SHE LOOKS FAT – SAY “NO”!!! #2           TALK/SING TO THE BABY WHILE TOUCHING YOUR WIFE’S BELLY

THIS HAS PROVEN TO ME THAT LIFE BEGINS AT CONCEPTION. I MADE UP SONGS FOR ALL 3 KIDS AND WHEN THEY WERE INCONSOLABLE AFTER BIRTH I WOULD SING THESE SONGS TO THEM AND THEY WOULD IMMEDIATELY CALM DOWN

#3           TAKE RESPONSIBILITY AS PROPHET, PRIEST AND KING – SHOW YOUR WIFE (THE NEW MOTHER) THAT YOU WILL PROVIDE AND BE THERE WHEN SHE IS INSECURE.  PROVE TO HER THAT YOU CAN LISTEN, YOU CAN CARE, AND WHEN THINGS GET TOUGH, SHE CAN LEAN ON YOU

#4           DON’T STOP DATING YOUR WIFE.

AFTER SHE GIVES BIRTH AND HEALS TAKE HER OUT AND GIVE HER LOVE AND ATTENTION.  BE ATTENTIVE TO HER NEEDS AND DESIRES.

#5           ASK FOR BABY TIME ALONE

THERE WILL COME A TIME WHEN YOUR WIFE LOOKS LIKE SHE IS GOING TO EXPLODE (OVERSTRESSED, OVERTIRED, AND NERVES FRIED).  TELL HER THAT YOU WANT ALONE TIME WITH THE CHILD AND MAKE HER LEAVE THE HOUSE (TELL HER TO GO SHOPPING, DO HER NAILS, READ A BOOK, TAKE A BATH) AND TAKE CARE OF THE CHILD.  THIS WILL CREATE A HEALTHY BOND BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR CHILD AND STRENGTHEN THE BOND BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR WIFE.  WHEN SHE RETURNS YOU WILL SEE THAT “CRAZY LOOK” VANQUISHED.

#6           GIVE HER TIME

SHE JUST GAVE BIRTH TO A CHILD OF YOURS.  DON’T BE SELFISH AND TELL HER WHAT ABOUT MY NEEDS.  FILL HER NEEDS.  LOVE ON HER (WITHOUT EXPECTING BENEFITS).  MASSAGE HER FEET, HER BACK AND PAMPER HER.  WHEN HER BODY IS READY – SHE WILL LET YOU KNOW.

#7           BE A DAD, A FATHER AND A PARENT – NOT A BABYSITTER.

GOD HAS BLESSED YOU AND YOUR WIFE WITH A CHILD (NOT EVERYONE HAS THAT BLESSING).  BE ATTENTIVE.  BE A NURTURER.  READ BOOKS ON DAD (AN EXCELLENT BOOK IS BY DEREK PRINCE, “HUSBAND & FATHERS).  MAN UP!

#8           YOUR WIFE IS NOW CARRYING AND FEEDING TWO.   HER HORMONES ARE ON OVERLOAD.  ONE DAY SHE WILL BE GLEEING AND HAPPY AND OVER EMOTIONAL AND THE NEXT DAY SHE WILL LOOK AT YOU LIKE SHE WANTS TO HIT YOU WITH A FRYING PAN ASKING WHY YOU DID THIS TO HER BODY.  BE STRONG AND COURAGOUS.  BE CONFIDENT IN YOUR MANHOOD AND DON’T TAKE HER PERSONAL – SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT SHE MEANS!top-secret

#9           DON’T FORGET #1 AND #8 AND START TO HELP AROUND THE HOUSE.  VACCUM, DISHES, CLEANUP AND FINISH (HELP AND PAINT AND DECORATE THE NEW BABY’S ROOM.

#10         REALIZE WHAT GOD EXPECTS OF FAMILY.  READ EPHESIANS 5, DEUTERONOMY 6 AND COLOSSIANS 3 AND ROMANS 12….WHEN IN DOUBT, PRAY! ALWAYS PRAY AND AS A REMINDER VERSE READ 1 PETER 3:7.

 

WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 10?

 

Dante

The Doctrine Of The Four Chairs

Which chair are you? Yesterday I had the privilege of attending an "Iron Sharpens Iron" event in New Lenox, Illinois.  We saw a host of speakers and had the options to spend 75 minutes in between to talk with other speakers in breakout sessions.  The morning Keynote Speaker was Mr. Adrian Despres and who spoke on the principles of four chairs.  The first chair is what a true disciple of Christ would be.

aLDchairsHe would be an individual who is walking by faith, praying and living by the very words of what Jesus calls us to do - Trust and Obey and to follow his precepts and to be totally and completely reliable on Him for our daily bread.  In other words, the first chair Christian allows Jesus to be Lord over his entire life.

The second chair Christian is one who is more of a "pew sitter" instead of a "heavy hitter" for the Kingdom (aka "The first chair").  The second chair is what the Book of Revelation calls the lukewarm Christian. Remember what Jesus said, that He would rather have that Christian be cold or hot, but as lukewarm, he considers the second chair as puke in his mouth and would rather spit you out.  Adrian, then skipped the third chair and referred to the fourth chair as the unsaved chair.  Maybe he is someone who is seeking the Kingdom of God and wants a relationship with Christ, but because of the examples of the second and third chair he could become disgusted with the "body" of Christ (that church) and walk away calling chair number one and two - unloving, judgmental, hypocrites who practice Truth more than Grace.  Now, chair number three, Adrian referred to as the most dangerous chair in the body of Christ.

This is someone who may have grown up in the church, knows Scripture better than most and has pretended to play church their entire life.  This person may, at Judgement, say to Jesus, "Lord, Lord, save me"  And Jesus will say, "Depart from me, for I never knew you."  This chair is a fake and this life is not reflecting any of the Fruit of the Spirit that we find in Galatians Chapter 5.  Fourchairs Here is the thing, whatever chair you are in right now, that doesn't matter to God, because He still loves you.  He loves you so much that He gave His only son for you.  You have to make an honest confession right now with what chair you are sitting in and not only repent to God and give that up if you are in #2, #3 and or #4.  If you are in #1 then get serious, stay focused and work on changing the second and third and reaching the fourth chair.  If you are #2, #3 and or #4, then repent.  Confess your sin to God and move over to Chair #1.  To God be the Glory forever and ever, Amen.

By the way, if you get a chance to see this great Evangelist, then by all means look him up!

Overprotective Parents, Underdeveloped Children: Part 1

Overprotective parenting has run rampant in Christian circles during the past decade and every time I bring up this topic, I get slews of emails from parents who don't quite understand the topic but nonetheless disagree with me. I understand these parents are doing what they think is best, protecting their children from evil, but in the long run they are hurting their children.

On Leadership

We all strive to be better leaders.  We read books, take classes and go through all our "leadership" training courses in our careers, yet so few people seem to really grasp the core concepts of leadership. I have been privy to witness all kinds of leadership in the military and in my corporate career and although I am no expert, I've observed a few things, learned from some great like John C. Maxwell, Stephen Covey and Andy Stanley and ultimately leadership has started to come easier for me over the years.

Let me give you some background…

When I was 17 years old, I helped launch a non-profit corporation from concept to grants and funding to running the business.  The non-profit was a grant based volunteer organization that had out reach programs to local youth.  In the beginning of this project, we were interviewed by local press and I ended up on the center stage, the next thing I knew I was being called the “leader” of this group by various forms of the press and media.

Over the next few years I learned some of the most important "secrets" of leadership.

People follow dreamers/visionaries and those that can inspire others to do great things over smart people or those with the right pedigree and credentials.  People follow leaders who take action, not those who talk, analyze and spend excessive amounts of time waiting for perfection.  People follow those who “Don’t follow the Crowd”  They grasp a vision and run with it, wort's and all.

For better and worse, this non-profit project was a success. I was proclaimed a local hero and given accolades and awards for my endeavors, but this also led to me getting an ego and thinking I knew it all at age 20.  Hubris.

I once taught a leadership class to a room full of successful leaders.  Each of these individuals lead groups and teams from 5-100 personnel.  However, I argued that most of them were managers not leaders. I told them if they wanted the biggest leadership challenge of your life, take off their rank and titles and go lead a non-profit organization of volunteers who are not being paid to work there. Inspire these people to show up day after day and work selflessly.   This type of leadership will challenge every character trait you have and teach you a lot about people, yourself and your strengths and weaknesses.

In the real world, there a lot of managers but few true leaders.

Leaders - lead and inspire people with vision and action. Managers - manage tasks, projects and inanimate things.

In the past few years, I have attempted to take my leadership to another level in that I truly express my care for the people on my teams.  It's not all about me and my agenda.  I care for their personal needs and endeavors; I coach them with finances, faith and help them in any way possible, regardless if I ever receive anything in return.  I often spend my own time and money to help others in small ways.  It's true altruistic, empathetic leadership.

A true leader cares about their people, not about tasks or objects or about what upper management or the status quo thinks.  You truly care about what is inside of each one of your teammates and you let them know that they are great people.  You inspire them and mentor them to become greater.  This does not mean you let people get away with substandard performance, missing deadlines or not reaching goals and expectations.  It just means you put people above all this.

I also have learned the power of influence.

Often titles, rank and position have nothing to do with who really makes an organization run effectively.  There are always special people in every organization who have all the connections, they have great rapport with people and they remember to help the little guys on the bottom and the big guys at the top.  They are the real movers and shakers of the organization.

These people are the influencers.  They may be anywhere in an organization; the mail room, middle management, at the local espresso stand or the gatekeeper to the CEO.  They have so many friends and connections in the organization that they literally “walk between the raindrops" and seem to just make things happen.

I have learned to try to occupy this role by networking with people at all levels and helping them solve problems.  I am the "go to" guy.   This often requires building relationships outside the work environment as well.

In the movie Wall Street, Gordon Gekko said “Information is the most valuable commodity I know of

I always strive to become an information portal and push information out to those who need it in order to help them with their activities and solver their problems.  It's putting their needs before my own.  I call this a social investment.

This is not to be mistaken for “brown nosing” but an honest information exchange and full honesty and authenticity to people at all levels of an organization. While most people try to suck up and impress the big guys, I have frequently talked with leaders echelons above me and given them an honest assessment of their problems, while providing viable solutions.

I am by no means an expert and I am far from calling myself a great leader, more like a masterpiece still in progress.  Yet, I feel deep satisfaction from the frequent emails, phone calls and notes of thanks for truly caring and truly giving in my own unique way.   When people know that you really care, they want to work with you.

A True Master of this style of leadership was the Apostle Paul and in the future I will give a post on why the Apostle Paul was the master leader and influencer.

If you suffer from management, I challenge you to get out of this role and develop your traits as a leader, it is in all of us, it just needs to be developed, honed and practiced.