Esse Quam Videri


He said, "I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself."

 Genesis 3:10 (NASB)


You may have seen the phrase -Esse Quam Videri- at the bottom of my posts.  It is Latin for "To be, rather than to appear."   It is a mantra that I have adopted in my life.

Many of us hide, we hide from our true passions and desires. We hide from taking the steps towards our dreams. We hide because we are afraid we will be found out. We are afraid that someone will find out that we are not being the man we should be, not using our full potential. We hide in our offices, we hide in the gym, we hide in our sports, we hide behind the television but most of all, we hide behind our personalities or masks.

Many women proclaim “My husband was such a gentlemen, so passionate, so romantic before we were married, then something just died?’ Why do women say this? Because when we first date, we put on our mask, we hide our true selves because we fear that our true selves, our inner soul will be rejected by the world or even worse the woman we love.

I’ve met many successful men who had great jobs, trophy wives, big house, new Mercedes, just bought a Harley last summer, etc. On the outside, they look as though they are on top of the world, the envy of all men. But, when you speak privately with them and they share their true feelings, they are dying on the inside, scared of being discovered as a fake.

It is a rare instance that you will meet a man that shows his true colors, he lives his values and wears his heart on his sleeve. When you meet them, they seem weird compared to most people. They talk about dreams and goals, adventure, following their heart, they are always happy, their wives and kids are happy and secure. It makes us feel threatened.

Men aren’t the only ones who like to pose, walk into any church on a Sunday morning and listen to the conversations.

“How you doing?”

“Great, just fine, praise God”

What he doesn’t say is that his marriage is on the verge of divorce, he is drowning in debt and he can’t talk with his teenage daughter.

The leader of the women’s bible study is the same person who is spreading rumors about other women.

Or how about the church leader who is having an affair with the young woman from his work?

But we all just act fine because asking for help will show some sort of weakness. Really?

Becoming a Legacy Dad is about getting out from behind the fig leaf, taking the mask off and living life with your true values. Asking for help, telling people how it really is, standing up for your faith at work. This process will really “fillet you open and show your true insides” Some men simply cannot live this way; they would rather hide and let their soul die a slow, suffocating death then to show people their true colors.

 But, I guarantee you this. Taking this road less traveled will forever change your life and the lives of your children and wife. Once you cross over, you can see other people’s fakeness clear as day and you’ll want to help them cross over as well. And life on the other side is so much fuller, so much happier and a lot less stressful. Taking the first step is always the hardest.


“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

 -Lao Tzu