Legacy Dad Checkup - Where do we stand....so far?

The Legacy Dad Life Map

(Lance wrote this (from the early years of this blog)

My first instinct was to type out every minute detail of this process but something told me to simple give you a snap shot and let you see the process unfold on my blog. Here is the Legacy Dad Process in summarized form with minimal details.

The ultimate goal of Legacy Dad is to create this in our children:

Security in their Hearts

Significance in their lives

Strength for the future

The “Real” Essential Life Skills

Spiritual morals as a Compass

I was in search for an authentic, Christian parenting style. A style that created a close bond with my children, created a more dynamic and happy family, instilled Christian values and other life skills that my wife and I deem important and prepared our children in a number of certain areas for life.

I wanted my children to grown up to become mature and experienced in the following areas:

Spirituality – Faith Morals and Values Leadership Marriage and Relationships Finances and Investing

I was confused and I wanted a process, a map to follow to help this style of parenting along. I wanted my children to have rights of passage, to learn “real world” values and to culminate in a Legacy Crossover, where my children were now congratulated on their progress and reassured they were ready for the world.

So, I read a bunch of books, mostly Christian based. Each one had its own unique area but nothing all inclusive. So I decided to come up with my own road map and call it Legacy Dad. This is a work in progress and will be refined as the years pass.

Legacy Dad is a program to mentor and guide your children from birth to adulthood in all things spiritual while adding life skills that you, the parent, deem important.  Legacy Dad researches the top methods and programs for attaining this type of mentorship relationship and then puts them into a personally customizable parenting package to fit your parenting needs and style.

The Foundation of Legacy Dad is Grace Based Parenting.

Grace Based Parenting:

  • Accepts Children regardless of their merit
  • Serves Children’s needs without a sense of obligation
  • Motivates children to a higher holiness with condemnation

Grace Based Parenting happens when we apply four key areas  to our children’s lives:

Create and Maintain an atmosphere of grace.

Focus on Meeting their Three Inner Needs.

Build Character in their heart

Aim them at True Greatness rather than success.

As a child gets older, the amount of control by parents loosens as the child begins to make their own decisions and learns from mistakes with their parents guidance.

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Legacy Phase I: Preparatory Phase – This is from birth to around age 9.

Some of the key factors of this area are:

Ensuring my children felt secure and loved in their own unique way Teaching your children discipline and obedience The Moral Reasons Why Character Pillars Discussions on Sex Introducing a strong Christian faith and belonging Spending Abundant Time with your children Creating Family Memories Teaching the Basics of Money: Spending, Saving and Charity Setting a Strong Example in all of the Legacy Areas

Phase II: Pre-Adolescence – This is from age 9-12.

We continue with all the key factors of Phase I and add the following:

Deeper self discipline and respect for others and ourselves Team Sports – Teamwork Begin Confirmation of Faith Checking Account, Basic Investing, Basic Business skills Deeper Gender Specific Guidance – Puberty, Dating, Sex Creative Expression Responsibility and Real Life Decision Making Implementing morals and values into real life situations

Phase III: Adolescence – Ages 12-14 – Focused Training Begins

This is the stage where your plan is fully revealed to your child; your child starts to search for their own answers but is still seeking guidance from the parents. 

This phase you tell your child of this process but not every detail.  I came up with a compelling way to introduce this process to my children. A way that creates mystery, intrigue and challenges them to want to take this journey.  I focus on the end rewards and the greater happiness, wealth and spiritual closeness they will feel by taking the journey.

Some of the tools included in this area are:

Specific books to read that spark conversation and reinforce the Legacy Dad Pillars as well as reflect on what is learned. A Journal kept by your children to record this journey and their thoughts. Practicing Grace Based Parenting in the preteen years. Opportunity Training – Pressure to instill moral decision making. A Yearly Family Adventure. An End of Phase Real World Test in one of the Legacy Dad Pillars. Phase IV: Teens – Ages 14-16 – Cause and Effect

This stage is where you child is starting to take their own path and we need to support it but also be there to influence and guide it subtly. Being too overbearing will cause your child to rebel and we address ways to mitigate that.

More Advanced Books and Concepts enforcing the Legacy Dad Pillars. Opportunity Training continues to further refine character traits and morals. Yearly Family Adventure Life Skills that are not taught in school. Real World Test in one of the Legacy Dad Pillars. Moral Decision making in Real World Scenarios

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Phase V: Entering Womanhood and Manhood – Ages 16-18- Choosing Direction

This is the critical stage in most children’s lives; they are striking out on their own, making their own decisions and deciding their own destinies. We focus extensively on this phase to re-enforce biblical principles and continue to cultivate the Legacy Dad Life Map while also giving our children the freedom to try their own paths and giving them the freedom to fail.

We also add more difficult real world tests and yearly adventures that will leave memories that last for a lifetime. Here are some possibilities for these adventures:

Christ in the Tetons Father and Son Grizzly Hunt Brio Mother Daughter Cruise Date With Destiny  Youth Encounter Habitat For Humanity Tom Brown Jr’s Survival School Boundary Waters Canoe Trips Dog Sled Adventures

These adventures are not meant to be a walk in the park, adding an air of adventure and difficulty further teaches the lesson and forms a tighter bond between the participants.

My wife and I did a 7-day canoe adventure into primitive Canada when were still dating,  There was no towns, motorized vehicles or boats from days 2-6 and only a few other people.  The trip consisted of running out of food, bathing in a lake, having one of our camp sites (an island) raided by a bear and another raided by wolves.  We also fished and caught crayfish to eat.  After seven days, we made it out and checked into a local hotel and ate pizza all night.  At the time, we thought it was pure hell, especially my wife, it was the most challenging thing she had ever done.  Now, she looks back at that trip with fond memories and of all the bonding we did together on that trip.  It is one of our best memories together.

These trips or ones you devise are also where we hold the crossing over ceremony. This is a ceremony signifying their movement into manhood or womanhood.

Security in their Hearts

Significance in their lives

Strength for the future

The “Real” Essential Life Skills

Spiritual morals as a Compass

 

Phase VI: College – Graduate Phase – Ages 18-? -Implementing Their Skills

This is the phase where you let them go out in the world and try on their own. They will make mistakes and you need to support them no matter what. You will continue with the Legacy Dad Life Map but at their pace and desire. Phase VII: Marriage – Age? – The End of the Journey

This is the final stage of the Legacy Dad Life Map, at this time you are simply a bystander and mentor. I have yet to determine at which year in the marriage the ultimate Legacy is revealed. I believe we all go through some early struggles in our marriage and those are valuable to our marital process. Possibly at the birth of a first child would be a good point? This will then give them the chance to start their own Legacy program?