I figured it is about time I shared my testimony with you, so here it is:
I grew up an only child to a single parent mother. My father died before I was born so right out the gate I was lacking a male role model. I feel my mother tried to compensate for my lack of a father by giving me free rein and buying me anything I wanted. Not to mention all the new age parenting rubbish that was out during the 70's and 80's.
I was raised Missouri Synod Lutheran and went to a Catholic private elementary school (talk about confusing?) However, I learned all the verses and bible stories, attended church twice a week and wanted to be a pastor at a young age. (I thought it would help me get to heaven?)
I could recite bible verses, beat you in bible trivia and went to all the church youth functions.
In my teens all the church stuff stopped, I hit my rebellious phase. Minor crimes, suspensions from school, constant quitting of sports and jobs, experimentation with alcohol, drugs and sex. (Still want to read how I can help you be a good parent?)
I was also selfish, manipulative and a great liar.
Things changed a little around age 17 as I started working on altruistic causes but not by much. I then joined the military, married my high school sweetheart and headed out of the small town to a big west coast city.
Now I was bombarded with more drugs, more alcohol, easy money, atheists and Scientology. I had leaders and mentors who had multiple affairs, terrible marriages and to top it off, my wife and I got pregnant.
Next throw in a hurried lifestyle, Mom working in the same environment (affairs, alcohol, bad mentors) and constant daycare and babysitters.
Does this sound like trouble brewing or what?
We attended church for a while but one day I started reading Scientology and decided God was a man made lie. Churches were guilt based, money greedy and didn't have any better examples than what I saw everywhere else.
Oh and add financial pressures, debt and me starting a new career while attending a largely liberal college.
All this led to a bad marriage, pornography and strip clubs, emotional abuse of my wife and constant fights. I was the king of stonewalling my wife.
Another pregnancy, more financial pressures, more fights. Longer daycare hours.
Finally my wife said enough is enough. Actually I told my wife I was cheating on her and if she didn't like it she could go get a divorce. I wasn't cheating on her but I knew this would hurt her very much emotionally. I 'm not sure which was worse?
She asked a co-worker of mine if I was cheating on her and he said he saw me with a stripper one night. (This wasn't true either, but my character was already destroyed with my wife and this co-worker later tried to sleep with my wife to "get even with me.")
My wife called her parents and told them to come get her and the kids. She went to a friends house and didn't tell me until 3 days later. I came home from work as they finished packing up everything in our apartment, she said goodbye and moved a few thousand miles away.
They left me a bed mattress, a blanket, my clothes and a TV. Literally nothing else. No silverware and not even a pot to cook something in.
I deserved it.
Then it hit me like a ton of bricks!!
I laid on the floor that night in my apartment with no furniture, 2 months behind in rent, my car engine had just gone out and I had quit my job 3 days prior.
I cried my eyes out all night and wondered how in the hell did I get here?
I had a beautiful wife, 2 beautiful children (Ages 1 and 5 months at the time) and I had a promising career. Now it was all gone.
At about 2:00 AM I started looking around the apartment at anything else that was left. In a closet, I found 2 books that they had forgotten or possible left for a reason?
One was a wedding gift: Anthony Robbins Awaken the Giant Within
The other was the Bible.
That night I got down on my knees and prayed for the first time in two years. I asked God to forgive me and help me get through this.
I started reading both books immediately and praying daily.
Within a week I got 2 jobs, one a commissioned based sales job. I worked 3 months straight with no time off working 18-20 hour days. It wasn't easy and there was still some failures involved but I was on the right track.
I got caught up in rent and bought a car.
I then started going to marriage counseling.
The first six months, my wife would not talk to me, only yell.
I continued to pray, read and go to counseling. I then admitted to her that I was wrong and apologized for all that I did.
It wasn't easy but a year and a half of counseling, apologizing and working hard on my life started a change in me. Plus I had to deal with my wifes counselor who was a feminist and hated my guts!
18 Months after my wife left, Feb. 14th, I left my job, packed up what I could and drove three states away to be a with her and to be a husband and father. I didn't know if she would except me or not but I had to try.
I continued to pray, be humble and attend church.
I also had to go back to my home town to ridicule and anger by many friends and family for what I did to my wife and kids. But I decided my family was worth it and this was what I deserved for my wrongdoings.
The changes on my life were gradual at first with some minor stumbling but then they begin to pick up speed. I refocused my life and decided to take a career that had safety and security for my family rather than the craziness and financial hardship I had put them through in the past.
Years past and things were much, much better.
Then in 2003, we got pregnant again. Although it was unexpected, aren't they all, we bought a big SUV and prepared for a third addition to our family.
14 weeks into the pregnancy, the baby miscarried. My wife was devastated and felt personally responsible.
However, I felt calm and as if this was meant to be. For the first time in my life, I realized that I am not in control of everything. God is.
We worked through the miscarriage and it only further strengthened our family and our faith in God.
I begin to realize that God had a plan for us and a reason for this miscarriage.
I begin to truly submit to God and daily ask him to guide me and show me what he wanted me to do.
Things changed dramatically. Finances got better, our marriage and family life went to all time highs and I begin to see that with God's help, anything is possible.
In 2005, we started attending an Evangelical Church and we rededicated our lives to God. We started associating and living our lives as true Christians.
This has continued to grow and God has given us new guidance and plans.
In the past five years, I have continually worked on my marriage, my character, my parenting, my leadership and most of all my example as a husband, father, Christian and role model.
I started living my life as a true example of what a Christian Father should be and from that came this blog. Legacy Dad.
I now look at my life as an example and this blog as a record and testament to the principles and steps that I have taken with God's guidance and help.
I continue to read, learn and better my self on a daily basis.
Legacy Dad is a journal of my salvation, my walk with Christ and the Legacy I will leave in the form of my children.
I hope my past doesn't scare you, but give you hope. Maybe some of you right now are where I was years ago? Maybe some of you are just wanting to get to the next step?
A Bad Marriage, Pornography, Infidelity, The Success Illusion, Cheating Others, Lying, A Hurried Lifestyle, Manipulation, Petty Self Esteem Issues, A Poor Father, Lack of Morals and Values.
These are all very real and our lives are constantly bombarded with these options as easy roads to take instead of the path Jesus took.
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
- Robert Frost
I decided to take the road less traveled, I decided to take the path Jesus left for us instead of societies path.
I hope you decide to come with us.
