Legacy Dad

Hungry Like The Wolf: A Husbands Sexual Desire

I often get emails and comments on marriage. The women always ask “How do I get my husband to be more romantic and connected?” and the men usually ask “How do I get my wife to have more sex and respect me more?” Equally, couples look at my wife and I and marvel at our relationship and its depth and ask similar questions. I have struggled for a long time with these answers and watched many friends and couples fall apart due to infidelity or lack of romance in the relationship. I often thought that God just somehow blessed my marriage with something others didn’t have. While I know God blessed my marriage, I also know that my wife and I focus on each other rather than ourselves in our marriage and this seems to make a big difference.

While I have struggled to find the words to be able to explain this, author Fred Stoeker of Every Man’s Battle/Marriage/ Challenge explained something that struck a chord and I wanted to share this with you.

To the men’s question, I believe Fred describes this very well and I found myself nodding and agreeing. For the men who have taken this challenge, we can say that this does work. To those who have not tried this, you’ll just have to trust us.

Here are some of Fred’s paraphrased comments:

The world was coming in loud and clear when I was growing up, especially the part about my tremendous sex drive being a natural, good thing. I wanted some kind of sexual experience every day of my life. During one stretch as an adolescent, it was a rare day when that didn’t happen. I was proud of my sex drive. The way I saw it, I was a real man who wasn’t easily satisfied. So my desire for women just grew and grew. Yet sadly, there was something else developing just as rapidly right alongside my sex drive.

During much of my life, I lived in the lonely world of disconnection, and my abilities to separate and alienate myself from others became an art form. I lacked the ability to truly bond with anyone because I wasn’t willing to share who I really was with anyone. Every day I was busier and busier building a façade of who I thought I was supposed to be or, more precisely, who I thought I was supposed to look like. I took my cues from the media and the pop culture of the day. As a superficially connected person, I sought out superficial relationships with people who were just as disconnected to others as they were with me. We spent a lot of time and effort looking and trying to act important and trying to live up to this faux standard that society sold us.

I became a loveless, disconnected man who used women and sex to feel some sort of connection. As long as I was involved with someone sexually, at least I felt involved with someone at some level. But having sex never satisfied my need for real connection, and I often left the encounter feeling empty and afraid. When I did not want to put in the effort of finding a woman to satisfy my sexual desires, the internet, porn and strip clubs would easily take a woman’s place. It was emotionally safe, easy and required no effort on my part.

Then a miracle happened: Someone fell in love with me, and I fell in love with her. When that genuine love experience occurred, I felt my soul beginning to heal. For the first time in my life, I begin to focus on her needs instead of my needs. True love does that. Love brought out the best in me and freed me to share my insecurities. For the first time, I dropped my masks, my façade and let someone see me in true form. Love beat down the path to my heart, and I was willing to be vulnerable and to connect with another person, which was amazing. Life became rich and deep. My relationship was so fulfilling that there was no desire to rush into sex because a fulfilling soul doesn’t need instant gratification. True love really can wait, because there’s no rush to return to the empty pit of superficial gratification. 

Eventually our love was experienced in a physical way, but I was still amazed at how easily I could control my sex drive. It became manageable rather than something that managed me. I desired her and only her and no other woman or porn would satisfy me anymore. I was no less male, just a male in control of himself. I gave rather than took and connected rather than controlled. I knew her better from the inside rather than just touching the surface of who she was. Those experiences were nothing short of divine. There is a standing joke among married men that once you put on the ring of marriage; it seems women all of a sudden find you more attractive, now that you are taken. While this may or may not be true, I think women are probably attracted to a man that is in control of his emotions and desires, rather than gawk and drool like a crazed wolf at every woman that passes by. This type of man is secure with himself, in control and has discovered that connecting with a woman on a deeper level than just the physical can be equally intoxicating and fulfilling.

This does not end with your marital vows, it is just the beginning. Every day with your wife is a new day to discover her more deeply and richly than the previous one. Once you continue to pursue, romance and discover your wife, she will become increasingly sexual attracted to you and want to instigate sex with you. For that to happen, you will have to do a very scary thing. You will have to step out of yourself and get interested in her life. You will have to put away everything you do to gratify your sexual desires and allow them to return to their normal place. This means no porn, no flirting, nothing. This may seem impossible to some. If that’s true, than you haven’t been willing to surrender your life to God’s truth and you haven’t surrendered your whole heart to your wife. That is when the connection can be made and your life can be lived to the fullest. God made us to fulfill our wives not for our wives to fulfill us.

"The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife." 1 Corinthians 7:3-4.

What this tells me is that God gave us our sexuality for our partner, not for ourselves. Sex is not about you. Your sexuality exists in the relationship for her pleasure, and her sexuality exists in the relationship for yours. It’s a two way street and if either partner is not meeting their end, the sex will become less frequent and less desirable. But when we control our own desires and focus our attention and passion on our wives and our wives desires, she will naturally become more responsive. I stress that this is not some tool to be employed once a month or only on Valentine’s Day, it is a daily routine and choice that is to be worked at and developed consistently. I challenge you to try this for 90 days or better yet, grab the book The Love Dare and follow the program day by day. You will not only see a greater sex life but you and your wife will begin to connect on a level that you may have never experienced before. The level that God truly intended every marriage to be at.

The Law of the Lid

When I first started running 15 years ago, I thought I was pretty good.  Let me preface this story by saying that I absolutely hate running but due to my profession, it was a mandatory event.  However, I was able to run at a 6:30 minute per mile pace with ease and this was generally excellent for the company that I kept.  A few months later, I started running with a more elite group of guys and they were running an average of 5:15 – 5:30 minute miles for up to 8 miles.  This killed me.  I literally told myself that this pace was impossible for me because I was not in good enough shape.  The guys I ran with did some “mild” persuasion and assisted (forced) me to maintain this pace for a continuous basis and within a few weeks, I too was running the blazing pace.

In my mind and body this pace was unimaginable just few weeks prior, what had changed?

I was reading Dante’s recent post where he really shared his heart in his writing and I got to thinking that some people probably read this blog and think:

“That’s nice, great aspirations, good Christian men but not everyone can live up to that standard?” 

“I’m doing better than a lot of other guys I know, why change and cause discomfort?”

 “No one really lives like that, that’s just words.  They’re extreme”

First, my wife and friends read this blog, so I have to be truthful and accountable to what I say.  Second is what John Maxwell refers to as the Law of the Lid. 

Maxwell asserts the Law of the Lid in leadership is the ability to only rise as high as those around you. Meaning, when you associate with mediocrity, you are mediocre.  When you associate with the elite, you become elite. 

Just like my running, I thought I was pretty good until I saw some guys who raised the bar for me.

I used to drink, party, treat my wife badly and live an ungodly life.  In fact, much like Paul, I would ridicule and persecute Christians for there “holier than thou attitude.”  But then someone came into my life and raised the bar for me.  I started associating with men of character and class.  I started following the examples of men who treated their wives and families as a precious gift from God.

A very successful man once told me the person I would be in five years time depended on the books I read and the people I associated with.  Garbage in, garbage out.

I know this message may fall on deaf ears for some but for others I hope it allows you to take a look at life and ask who you are associating with?  What are you reading?  What are you watching?  Who are your role models?  Where is your bar currently?

Raising the bar isn’t easy, it forces us out of our comfort zone and makes us live life at a higher standard.  Plus, we have to be accountable to this new standard, it is very easy to slip back into mediocrity.

Dante and I are hardly perfect and I would not wish my life mistakes on anyone, but we are dedicated to the process of becoming Legacy Dads.  This process means life changes, association changes and media changes.  To some it may seem radical, extreme.  They cannot see the 5:30 mile as a reality.  To others, it is everyday life as a Legacy Dad.  Is it worth it?  Ask my family.

It’s a new year, time for changes and resolutions.  Why not make your resolution to be the best husband and father you can be for your family.  Lead the pack, set the example and leave a legacy.          

When you’re ready to submit and have your life filleted open for all to see and then be held accountable for your actions, you are ready to run with the elite.  This is spiritual manhood and maturity.  It’s not a choice everyman will make but it is a choice every man could make.   

The Husband and Father Your Wife and Children Deserve

I want you to think back about when you first became a Christian or when you made a major life decision?  Who did you go to seek advice about this decision?  Whose example made you consider this change? 

9 times out of 10, we follow the examples and life decisions of people we respect.  A Parent, a Coach, a Leader or a Friend.  Someone held influence over us and we trusted their example and respected their character.  Now let me ask you this?  Are you being that person for someone else?

I’m sitting here in another foreign country, far from my family during the Holidays and reading a book about one of the most successful football coaches of all time.  His walk with Christ began when he noticed men that he respected had changed their lives in major ways by coming to Christ.  The funny thing is, the people who set this example had no idea that someone was watching them or making decisions based on their example.

Now let me tie this in with Dante’s posts on Purity.

Have you ever wondered why guys like Tiger Woods or Kobe Bryant cheat on their wives?  They have money, fame, and some really beautiful wives and then they throw it all away for one night of passion or to put another notch in their count of women they have been with?   We look at these examples and say “What an idiot, he had it all and throw it all away!”   

I guarantee, at this very moment, someone is looking at your life and your family and wishing they had what you had.

This realization really hit me a few years ago when a friend of mine stated this to me.   My friend just wanted to have a loving wife and family but he was sadly going through his second divorce.  Both times, his wives had cheated on him.  He didn’t come out and say it directly, but in a moment of emotion he asked me how I did it with my family.  He had been watching. 

Over the last two years, wives have asked my wife if I would talk to their husbands or if being around me could somehow rub off on their husbands.  I was dumbfounded. 

To me there is an unwritten guy code and unless I am a very close accountability friend; I wouldn’t go and tell some guy that his marriage is screwed up.  However, my example was speaking volumes and other people had been watching.   

Because of my ignorance and selfishness, I almost lost my beautiful wife and children once.  Once I almost lost them, the realization hit me of what I was really losing.  I had the most beautiful woman that other guys envied and two beautiful children, one boy and one girl.  People close to me were saying “What an idiot, he had it all and throw it all away!”  Does this sound familiar?  Luckily, God intervened and brought me close to the edge but didn’t let me fall over it.  I made a vow to God and my wife that I would become, not what society said was a good husband, but what my wife and children deserved.      

What does your wife and children deserve? 

If there are any questions read  - Ephesians 5: 25-33

We are setting the example everyday by what we do, what we say, and the lives we lead.  The slightest flirtation with a co-worker or other woman should never rear its ugly head when we are on duty.  Our words should uplift and edify others.  Our work ethic should be superior.  We should wear our Character and Integrity on our sleeves for everyone to see because whether we like it or not, people are watching.  Someone is watching you every day and wondering if this Christianity thing is really worth it.

Are we perfect? Hardly.  Do we make mistakes?  Always.  But as Russell Crow stated in Gladiator “What we do in life, echoes in eternity.”

I choose to be the husband and father my wife and children deserve.

Happy Anniversary

12 years ago today, I married the women of my dreams.  She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, the Homecoming Queen, yet she was also quiet and humble and I knew she had a beautiful spirit as well.

I never thought I would have a chance with a girl like this. But, God had other plans. 

You are the reason I strive to be a good husband and father. You led me to see that I need to be the spiritual leader of this family. 

The first few years were a struggle as most marriages are, but the last 9 have been the best of my life. You are even more beautiful today then the day I met you.  I love you and thank you for taking a chance on a guy like me.  

Happy Anniversary Legacy Mom

Lance

P.S.  The kids and their friends made us breakfast and a sign this morning.  These are the future spiritual champions for Christ, the future Legacy Dads and Moms.

What Women Really Want: Part II

Today we continue What Women Really Want, those strange creatures that vex us, trap us and then end up living with us for years and years. 

I thought I knew women after studying and studying and trying to figure them out but I am finding everyday they are still a mystery to me. 

So, I read all the marriage books (so you don't have to) and try to give the cliff notes version here on Legacy Dad.  Recently I have been listening to the Audiobook of
For Men Only and have learned some pretty profound stuff, read on...

Epiphany #3 - Sex

Do I have your attention now? 

I think if you ask any guy if he would like more sex, the answer would be "yes to the 100th power."   

However, when women were surveyed, they had some other answers and guys, if we want more sex, we need to take notes and listen. 

First, women need longer to warm up.  Men are like Ferrari 355 Spyder's, pop the clutch and it's 0 to 60 in 3.4 seconds.  Women, however are like an 18 Wheeler going through a mountain pass.  They need to slowly work through the gears to get up to full sexual speed. 

Women stated that they would like more sex too but sometimes their bodies simply will not allow it without some jumpstarting.  How do you do this? 

For starters, sex starts in a woman's mind and heart.  Therefore the sex starts early on in the day with your treatment of her, flirting, comments and gestures and your emotional connectedness to her.  If a woman does not feel emotionally connected to her man, forget sex.   

Also, women reported that your physical body has very little to do with her wanting sex.  As guys, we are attracted visually.  We see our wife looking sexy and we become aroused.  For women, this has little to no effect on them.  So, all the Men's Health models can take a flying leap with their abs diet!!!  Just Kidding.  Women are attracted by your treatment or her and your pursuit of her. 

Women reported that they live to be pursued.  Throughout the day, you need to send her notes, emails, or give her a call and whisper thoughts into her mind.  Which leads to the next area.  Women need to feel that you find them sexy.  Tell her throughout the day how beautiful and sexy she looks.  Send her an email saying that the outfit she put on this morning has been crossing your thoughts all day and you can't stop thinking about her. 

Next, sex does not equal closeness for women.  For men, we can have sex and this makes us feel close to our wives.  For women, the closeness must come before the sex.  You also need to prep the environment.   After a long day of kids, housework, and her job she needs time to unwind and become intimate.   Get her a glass of wine, put on some soft music and draw her a hot bath.  This all adds to the environment and helps her relax to try to let her mind go towards sex.   

Now this part you are not going to like. 

According to Dr. John Gottman of the University of Washington, men who help out and do housework have better marriages and a healthier and more frequent sex life.  So make dinner, do the dishes and get the kids to bed and watch the sparks fly.  70% of women with school age children or jobs outside the home said this would greatly increase sexually frequency in their marriages.

Lastly, here are some tips from women who when surveyed, said they wanted the same amount or less sex than they were already having.  These tips, they said,would make them want more sex. 

1. Pay more attention to her
2. Show loving gestures and comments throughout the day.
3. Have meaningful and caring conversations with her.
4. Women need to feel sexy outside the bedroom - comments during the day. 

Finally, women also said sometimes they just can't do it.  When this happens we have to accept it and still be loving, caring, and (gulp) cuddle.  When you are doing the above actions consistently, you will have more sex in your marriage, period.

And one last thing, women surveyed also said that some basic hygiene would also go a long way.  Think about men, when we were dating or single, we wouldn't go out without showering, shaving and brushing our teeth, does our wife deserve any less.  This may seem trivial but it was listed by many women surveyed. 

So I hope you read this piece and took notes because it does work.  Ask my wife!!! 

Now go forth and have...well you know.

   

The New Eve

There is a lot of great books and courses out there now for men wanting to raise the bar in their marriage, family and spiritual life. 

However, when searching for content for women or our daughters, this is a seemingly harder task. 

Recently though, I found Robert Lewis's new book:  The New Eve

Robert Lewis has some of the best Men's Studies out there including Raising A Modern Day Knight and Men's Fraternity.  However, for a man to write about womens issues always raises a red flag for me.   Yet, I see that author Shaunti Feldhahn  (Author of For Women Only)  has not only endorsed this book but said this: 

"I never thought a book written by a man could give me such an eye-opening picture of who I should be as a woman."

This made me take a second look. 

The New Eve sets forth and elaborates upon five "Bold Moves" for today's discerning woman:

  Live from the Inside Out
Adopt a Biblical Definition of Womanhood
Embrace a Big Picture Perspective on Life
Live with the End in Mind
Use Wisdom with a Man

You can also go and watch the trailer video here

What Women Really Want: Part I

I hope everyone is following through on the Developing Your Bucket List posts?  I will address this more later this week. 

Today I want to talk about women, those strange creatures that vex us, trap us and then end up living with us for years and years. 

I thought I knew women after studying and studying and trying to figure them out but I am finding everyday they are still a mystery to me. 

So, I read all the marriage books (so you don't have to) and try to give the cliff notes version here on Legacy Dad.  Recently I have been listening to the Audiobook of
For Men Only and have learned some pretty profound stuff, read on...

Epiphany #1  - Women Need A Popup Blocker

Womens emotions are like popup windows on a computer, they can popup at any time.  It could be an old memory, a fight from three weeks ago or just something she forgot to do and all of a sudden BLAM! that emotion has popped up and now she is feeling that emotion with the same intensity as when she first experienced it.  The worst part is, they don't have a popup blocker.  So she might have some unresolved conflict with us from back when Stone Temple Pilots were on tour come popping up and all of a sudden she is angry or sad or frustrated and it doesn't go away until she resolves it. 

You see, God gave us men the blessing of emotional procrastination and prioritization.  We can simply put off emotions until we have time to process them later or days/weeks from now.  Women cannot. 

Just the basic knowledge of this has helped me in the past week.  I now understand that when my wife is feeling a certain way, it could be from something days or weeks ago and the best thing I can do is talk to her and listen. 

Remember, don't be Mr. Fixit, just listen and help her to come to her own resolution. 

Epiphany #2  - Bust Your Butt In The Right Areas

Fill Her Emotional Love Tank?

This one caught me by surprise although my wife has been trying to tell me this for awhile.   

According to the surveys done in the book:      

Women prefer emotional security over financial security. 

Now does this mean we can chuck our jobs and sit on the couch?  Of course not.  Women do of course expect a level of financial security. But in most womens priority list, spending more time with her and the family is more important than a bigger house, nicer cars and a fully stocked 401k. 

For men however, we feel secure when there is money in the bank and often feel a pull to be the best provider possible which we often translate as more financial security.

For women however, security means feeling close, connected and being around in the relationship. 

In a survey, 7 out of 10 married women said they would prefer financial struggles over distance in the relationship. 

To further unpack this:  Women prefer their husbands to be around more rather than having more money.  They would choose their husbands happiness over having more things, vacations, financial abundance.

Mr. Provider - 75% of men are always conscious of their burden to provide for the family and most of us like it this way. 

For men, what we do, in a lot of ways defines us. 

We think longer hours at work = more money = more love? 

Women however see this:

longer hours at work = work is your main priority = you care more about your work than the family.

Okay, so here is what they really want from us:

1. She feels the two of you are close
2. She sees that you make time together a priority
3. She sees your commitment to her
4. She sees your active in the life of the home
5. She sees you making an effort to provide as long as that isn't in the way of 1-4.

For women, it is more about the effort you put into the relationship that matters.  She measures your commitment based on your level of effort, not based on the results. 

This is hard for men because me like to measure things in dollars, cents, yards, and touchdowns.  Measuring emotions is measured how?   Beats me?

Finally, women want us to be happy.

The survey pointed out that 70% women would not only want us to take a job that allowed us more time with the family but also a job that allowed us more time for us to follow our dreams.

Women DO NOT like to see their men go to a job they hate just for the fact of finances.  She would much rather have a less stressed husband, making less money but spending his free time with the family and following his true callings.

Huh? 

The survey also pointed out that women would not want their husbands to take a lower paying job to spend more time with the family but then ultimately feel unfulfilled?

So whats the bottom line? 

Spend more time with the family and less time in the office. 
Also use your free time to follow your true dreams and callings
Financial Security does not mean marital security. 

Until next time.

 
   
 
 

Going All The Way!

Great Find from my buddy Marc at Dad's Cafe

“Going all the way” used to mean getting what you want  from the opposite sex now…and paying for it later.

It’s time to redefine.

Smart advice for a new generation about love, sex, and happily ever after.

You’ve seen marriages fail time and again. Even relationships you thought were bullet proof don’t last. Once promising couples dissolve in the acid of selfishness, conflict, or unfaithfulness… or fade away to a cold, gray lovelessness. No wonder that for our generation, “getting what you want” is often a substitute for love, and disillusionment about marriage is the new normal.

So what do you do if you want a marriage that doesn’t just survive, but thrives? That doesn’t just begin romantically but ends magnificently? Answer: You do something different.

Whether you’re thinking ahead to marriage, are about to be wed, or have been married for a while and want to make changes, this book can help. Going All the Way will guide you through the choices and commitments you need to make now in order to build a strong and vibrant relationship that will go the distance. In a world where going all the way means putting yourself first, author Craig Groeschel will show you how, by putting God first, you can build a soul-enriching, lifelong relationship.

With practical, candid discussions about sex, first dates, integrity, forgiveness, and communication, Craig will help you prepare for and experience a relationship that gives fresh, hope-filled meaning to “going all the way” with the one you love.

Check it out at Amazon

The Foundation of the Legacy: Part IV

Confused Allegiances

This marital trap comes when our priorities get out of line.  This normally happens in the subtlest of ways.  Usually we have our priorities straight then along comes some pressure:  A project at work.  Then the focus shifts from home to the job for this project.

So a man picks up the pace and runs a little faster with the intention of accomplishing this project then turning back to his family but the problem is we conquer this project and there is no STOP sign telling us to slow down.

So we continue running at the same internal rate not realizing that we missed a turn somewhere.  Then we wake up one day, long down the road and realize Oops, I left my family out. 

The same thing happens to women often with children.  The children become sick or need some extra help with school.  Mom joins the PTA, becomes a soccer Mom and sets her priorities aside to be a good mother.  It's the same thing any mother would do but soon the sole focus becomes the children and Mom forgets to slow down and re-insert her husband into the picture.  Soon the marriage drifts and Mom and Dad no longer have a relationship together only their kids between them.

Sometimes we try to find self worth in the wrong places.  We go to work and their is a relationship where another person values you because of your hard work or your expertise and we get the affirmation from him or her that we don't get at home from our spouse.  Not necessarily an affair but you are having a connection with that person because they are filling a void in your life.  When this happens, we no longer expect or pursue that feeling from our spouse. 

Here's the cure:

We have the grace to embrace our place.

Many times we rise to a challenge, conquer it, and then look for a new challenge often at the expense of our family and marriage. 

We have to be man enough to know our place.  We have to value our marriage and family over affirmation at work and over socio-economic status. 

I talk with some investors who sole purpose in life is to collect toys.  Cars, motorcycles, gadgets, the party lifestyle.  They brag and show pictures of this lifestyle and many people are attracted to it.  It's easy to get sucked into this trap especially with all the media promoting it. 

We have to accept the place and role we currently hold and make the best of it in the now.

I'm very guilty of this as I am always planning and looking towards the future, it is very easy for me to forget the now and solely focus on my future.

We also have to guard our heart. 

Time alone with the opposite sex is dangerous.  There is all sorts of traps out there where people notice us, value us and show an interest in us that maybe we aren't getting at home.

I had a colleague at work who liked to play chess at night with someone of the opposite sex instead of being at home with his family and he couldn't see anything wrong with it.   He didn't understand it was wrong until I talked with him.

Transference is a very easy trap to fall into and I have personally seen many marriages ruined because of it.

Proverbs 4:23 says "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life."

You can be friends with people of the opposite sex but your spouse should be your best friend and closest confidant.

Finally, we have to live our lives on purpose.

Most people take whatever life gives them and they are simply content to not be harassed.  They choose security and comfort over Significance and Greatness.

You have to know where you're going. Especially in your marriage.  Do we sit down and talk with our spouse and plan where we want to be in 5 or 10 years or do we just let the chips fall where they lay?

You can have romance and intimacy at 5,10,15,20 and even 50 Years of marriage if that is your goal.  Marriage is about being a team and setting goals and milestones together. 

You also have to live by biblical priorities.

Number one should be God and I do not mean church or church functions, I mean a close and intimate relationship of spiritual growth with our maker.

Number two should be our family in this order:
Spouse THEN CHILDREN.

Number Three should be our ministry.  You're a Christian before your a soldier or a mortgage broker or a physician.

We also have to look towards others and their needs.  It's easy to get wrapped up in our own selfish pursuits.  We need to set these aside and focus on the needs of others.

"Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too." Philippians 2:3-4 (NLT)

Pride and Ambition can kill us. 

If we work hard for an intimate relationship with God, put our wife second only to God and work hard to have a close friendship and lasting romance and intimacy with her.  Then take the lead in raising our children and leave a lasting ministry by spreading God's word.  We are living on purpose according to biblical priorities.

I ask God daily to help me strengthen these areas of my life because focusing less on my plan and more on his plan, is leaving a legacy and becoming a Legacy Dad.

Till Death Do Us Part

I often hear stories in my reading or on the radio and write them down to blog about them at a later date.  This one has been on my list for a long time and it is time it came to fruition. 

Robertson Mcquilkin served as the third president of Columbia University from 1968 to 1990.  During those years, his wife Muriel was always by his side supporting him and many times sacrificing of herself for her husbands career. 

I can relate to this very well.  As a soldier, our wives are our strongest allies and many times carry the load and burden while we are training or out of the country. My wife is the strength of our house and keeps me going day to day.

Robert Proposed to Muriel on Valentines Day in 1948, they married in August the same year.   The next three decades were filled with raising six children and serving God with many missionary trips.  In 1968 the returned to the US and he became president at Columbia. 

In 1981, Robertson started to notice something different in Muriel, her memory was not as it should be.  After a series of tests and doctors, it was confirmed she had early Alzheimer's Disease.  Over the next few years, Robertson watched as his loving, caring wife slowly faded away. 

In 1990, Muriel's condition was worse and she needed someone for full time care, Robertson had a choice to make.  He had spent his life serving God and building a fine career as president of Columbia, many men would have found a full time care center and continued to juggle between his life long career and his terminal wife.  But not Robertson.

He decided to stand by his wife and commit to taking care of her full time until she had passed. 

Please listen to
Robertson Mcquilkin's Resignation Speech (3346.0K)

After listening to his speech it is apparent that Robertson is not only a godly man and a man of honor but also qualifies as a Legacy Dad and Husband. 

Robertson's inspiring story is captured in his book A Promise Kept.  Robertson thought that leaving Columbia and taking care of Muriel was the end of his ministry but God had other plans.  His story has spread and inspired many people to take a hard look at their priorities in life and what truly matters.

Robertson continued to serve and care for Muriel until her dying day. 

One thing is for sure, in a society were the mainstream tells us marriage is simply a contract, It sure is great to have men who are willing to stand behind their vows and be an example for what all real men should do. 

"In sickness and in health, tell death do us part."