As an Elder and men’s ministry leader I can tell you up close and personal that the Father wound is a very serious problem in our culture. For some in can result in addictions, for others it could be a plethora of symptoms from isolation to violence and complete psychological issues even including abandonment.
For some, the mere mention of the word father can trigger a multitude of mixed emotions. Raw emotions and even pain and regret. For some of the men that pass my path, they are still waiting to hear the words from their fathers that they were proud of them and glad that they have become the men that they are today.
There is a deep crevice and wound that can never be filled on this earth without God’s intervention. I remember talking to one gentleman who was in a lot of pain and anguish because his dad opted for violence instead of love. For abuse instead of healthy emotion.
Without the positive influence of a godly man who fears the Lord and is under the authority of Scripture, it is hard for children and wives to thrive. This is not God’s plan. His plan is for us to love and accept his Son, Jesus Christ. To share His Gospel. To love our neighbor as ourselves and to seek holiness and put our old sin nature to death daily.
Men strive for healthy relationships and to be affirmed by those that they love and care for. These men are looking and yearning for the words “I approve”, “I am proud of you” and “I love you, son”. For some of these men they may never hear this from their earthly dads.
Then you sometimes meet men who have unbelievable legacies of generational faith and I am humbled and thankful that these men had the chance to grow up in this legacy.
This is not to say that these dads, granddad and great granddad always get it right, because they don’t. They are sinners like you and me. The difference is that they know whose authority that they are under – God! They are humble to the word of God and they are accountable.
These men are fortunate and thankful for the childhood that they have and for the relationships that God has brought them and continues to bring them.
Then there may be some of you like me. Our grew up with a really good dad with good intentions, sometimes a bit too authoritarian and over aggressive on the discipline, BUT a man who gave me the work ethic that I have today and a man who worked a lot, but didn’t necessarily know how to tell his kids that he loved them.
Don’t get me wrong, there were a lot of things that my dad did right (He provided, cared for, educated and coached us through life. He taught me the importance of not being in debt (not that I always listened) and how to be a man.
The one thing was that he did not know the Lord growing up and he was prone to anger. He was socially inept in the fatherhood parameters as he lost his mom when he was 11 years old and his dad spoke broken English and didn’t always understand what it meant to be dad. My dad lost his mom and his dad lost his wife – they did what they could. So he worked a lot more than most to provide because that was important to him.
Also, my dad grew up in the Great Depression. He doesn’t understand these generations that applaud debt and immorality.
Some Scripture for leaving a legacy:
Psalm English Standard Version (ESV)
Unless the Lord Builds the House
A Song of Ascents. Of Solomon.
127 Unless the Lord builds the house,
those who build it labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
the watchman stays awake in vain.
2 It is in vain that you rise up early
and go late to rest,
eating the bread of anxious toil;
for he gives to his beloved sleep.
3 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
the fruit of the womb a reward.
4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
are the children[a] of one’s youth.
5 Blessed is the man
who fills his quiver with them!
He shall not be put to shame
when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.[b]
Deuteronomy 6:6-9English Standard Version (ESV)
6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you.” –John 14:1-2
For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. — Romans 8:15-16
“Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” — Matthew 7:9-11
How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! –1 John 3:1
If you have a father wound or someone you know has this wound, don’t try to fix them, instead lead them to a group of godly men and walk with them. Share with them and pray with them. Read the word with them and worship with them.
Let them see that there God is the only one who can truly fill this Father Wound!
To God Be the Glory,