Legacy Dad

Start Here: Read First

Seek First to Understand

Note: The basics are still being populated, check back for updates

Quick Note: My Enlgish

I am a family man with a full time job, coach sports, teach classes, and spend time in odd corners of the world frequently. In short, I am hurried when I write. I don’t have and editor and I was a Business major in college. That being said you can expect misspellings, improper grammar, and words have been known to completely disappear while I type.

       Read First

1. Disclaimer
2. The Picture of a Legacy
3. Who is a Legacy Dad
4. Spirituality: My Definition
5. The Legacy Dad Process
6. The Legacy Dad Life Map - Detailed Process

Spiritual

1. Why the Internet

2. Esse Quam Videri

3. Reduce the Pain or Reach for the Prize

4. On Waterwalking

5. Brickianity Part I  and Brickianity Part II

      Financial

1. Part I - Context
2. Part II - LBYM - The Not So Secret

Marriage

1. Part I: The Foundation of the Legacy
2. Part II: Unresolved Conflicts

Leadership

1. Leaving a Legitimate Leadership Legacy
2. Things That Do Not Require Talent
3. On Leadership

General Importance

1. Why Versus How

The Success Illusion

Part I

Part II

Part III

Final

All the Books that add to the Legacy Dad Process - Legacy Dad Books

A True Legacy Dad - Team Hoyt

The first time I saw this, it blew me away and I cried with pride for this father. It is hard enough to raise a normal son but Dick Hoyt is an inspiration to Dads everywhere and earns a 5 Star Legacy Dad Rating. 

Team Hoyt

-Esse Quam Videri-

Who is a Legacy Dad?

 Who is a Legacy Dad?

 Take a moment and think about your own father or if you did not have a father, someone who was like a father to you…

 

What do you remember most? 

What type of man was he? 

Do you remember any special times together?

Are there any times you wish you could forget? 

Would you consider this man a mentor or someone to look up to? 

Now ask yourself…

 What will my children remember me for? 

 Legacy Dad is a roadmap for building these memories for your children and guiding your children towards becoming spiritual champions. It gives you specific tools that can help shape a legacy that you will pass on to your children, one in which they will have truly wonderful memories. They will remember you as their mentor and Legacy Dad. 

 

 Where we are?

 Every man starts this process from a different point, some may be further and some may not yet be to the point of fully committing to this type of plan but the great thing about Legacy Dad is it is made to be a tailored plan. You can use certain areas only or use the whole program. The most important step is to customize this plan to your parenting style, your beliefs and your children. This truly creates a unique experience.

 I was at a point in my life where I was spiritually filled, my marriage was better than average, I was progressing well in my career and I wanted to really influence and guide my children. As you look through the Legacy Dad Principles you may find an area you personally need to work on first before applying other principles, don’t worry this is perfectly okay and trying to take shortcuts and skipping a step will not bring about the same results. 

 In short, Legacy Dad is for a special breed of man, the man who is ready to take the next step and move towards finding Self Actualization. I caution you that this is not easy and most men never make it to this point in their lives, they die wishing they would have gone down this road. This will not be a lot of touchy, feely good suggestions but actual “get out in the real world” and “show your true colors” hard work. 

 A Legacy Dad must be a wise man, a worldly man. He must have knowledge in a variety of areas that normal men do not. He must master four critical areas in life and take the reigns as the spiritual leader in his family.

A Legacy Dad is:

 A man who is bold but humble

A man who honors his wife and treats her as his united partner and confidant

A man who is not afraid to speak about his beliefs and values

A man who has or is ready to become the spiritual leader of his family

A man who sets the example for others to follow

A man who friends and colleagues look up to and ask advice of

A man who is willing to lay it all on the line to protect his family

 

But most importantly Legacy Dad is

A man who realizes that his children are God’s greatest gift to him and his legacy will not be his job, will not be his money, and will not be his personal accomplishments; but it will be the teachings, guidance, and values that he passes on to his children. His children will take these principles on to their children and their children’s children thus creating a family Legacy.

Maybe no man in your family tree has ever taken this step? Maybe you can be the first? 

Most men will never walk this path. Are you up to the Legacy challenge? 

 

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.” - Robert Frost

  
-Esse Quam Videri-

The Legacy Dad Process

Ask a group of men when they knew they were really men and you will get varied responses. When they turned 18, 21. When they graduated High School, College. The first time they had sex, when the left for basic training, and a number of other responses. 

We have a crisis of children growing up in the church and then leaving the church when they grow older. We have children who have identity crises because they were not guided and initiated by their parents. (Updated Study, Barna Study)  Our children need parents who will not cocoon them or over-shelter them from the world, but teach them to be the light that shines in the world.

Children need spiritual initiation and right of passage; they need true life skills and tests of judgment. They need to know that they are ready for the world and we as parents need to know that we have equipped our children for the world. We need to know that we left no stone unturned and did everything we could to prepare are children to be strong, confident Christians. Then we need to let God take them the rest of the way. 

School, Friends, TV, Video Games and the Internet will not teach your children life skills, morals and values. The Church will only teach some areas and will not take your children all the way. It is our responsibility as parents to ensure our children receive the training, guidance and wisdom that will truly matter in their lives.

Society easily bates children and parents alike to pursue The Success Illusion.  To spend our lives chasing Money, Beauty, Power and Fame.  Aiming our children at true greatness rather than societies version of success gives them so much more and the funny part is the elusive success that so many chase often comes for free as a result of True Greatness. 

Are you willing to be their leader and role model?

Are you willing to succeed where many parents fail?

The Legacy Dad Process is a road map to implement into your parenting style; it is a series of biblical lessons and principles at specific times and ages of your children’s lives to help instill and pass on your personal legacy to them. It focuses on creating a plan for each child that is tailored to their age and gender and incorporates your personal values and beliefs into the process to ensure your Legacy is passed on to them.

 The Legacy Dad Process includes:

1.  Core Pillars for aiming our children at True Greatness.

2. An intriguing way to get your children to want to take this journey

3. Specific books and lessons for your children to read and report on that helps instill the principles

 4. A journal that your children will record their progress and in the future reflect back on

 5. Specific tests that each child will do on their own but with your help and guidance to instill the principles, give them life experience, and build a family bond.

 6. Special ceremonies that shows your child that they have passed the test and are ready for the net step.

 7. Specific adventures that you will take together to create family memories and instill the Legacy process.

 8. A financial legacy that your child will inherit in the future worth hundreds of thousands of dollars as well as the knowledge of what to do with it.

 9. A Legacy book that will be presented at the end of the process for your child to see their life history and comments from you and other family members along the way.

 Finally, it will give your children the confidence and knowledge to face anything that life throws their way and it will give you as parents the satisfaction of knowing you did all you could to equip them for life. 

I will explain in detail this whole process and how to implement it into your family.

Not only will this greatly help your children but it will also help you and your wife. If you personally do not possess the knowledge of these principles, you will also learn it first to pass it on and this will greatly help and increase your own personal life as well.  Learning together with your children will also create a stronger bond and solidify the process. 

If the idea of a happy, loving marriage; equipping your children for True Greatness; financial security and abundance; and being respected for your character and leadership sounds appealing than Legacy Dad is for you.

Please Note:  This is not my plan but God's plan, packaged in an easy to understand way, for use in many areas of your life. 

For a more detailed look at the process see Legacy Dad Life Map

-Esse Quam Videri-

The Picture of a Legacy

The Picture of a Legacy

When I mention the word legacy, what comes to mind? Rockefeller, Carnegie, Ford. or biblical leaders like Jonathan Edwards and Billy Graham. Do you think of those old movies where some old man has left a fortune to his great grand son in his Will but first the grandson must pass a test to receive the fortune?

For a moment, let your mind leave reality…

You see a 23 year old young man sitting in the back of a limousine, he is dressed in a black tuxedo and an overcoat, the boy has just graduated college. The limousine winds up a mountain road and comes to a large iron gate at the top, the gates open and the limousine drives through a golf course, it pulls up to a country club resort on the top of the mountain, the sun is setting in the background and the sky looks like a burst of orange, blue and white colors.

The door to the limousine opens and two older gentlemen dressed in black tuxedos are waiting for the young man, they are two friends of the boy’s father and strong Christians, they lead him into the country club. They go through a series of rooms and stop outside 2 large dark mahogany doors. The young man knocks on the doors three times, a voice from behind the door says “Enter” The two gentlemen open both doors and the young man enters the room.

The room is a large study with dark wooden bookshelves filled with many old looking books. A large fireplace has a fire crackling on one side of the room. There are many old pictures of distinguished gentlemen on the wall; the small coffee tables are filled with crystal and marble pieces. There are many large leather chairs and 2 leather sofas in the room.

The room is filled with 10 men all dressed in black tuxedos, 12 men in all plus the young man. The men are uncles, coaches, family friends, his Boy Scout leader, other men who have influenced the young man and the boy’s pastor.                                                

At the head of the room, the young man’s father and grand-father are standing behind a large hand carved desk, on the desk is an old dust covered trunk.

Over the past few years, the young man has had many tests and adventures: a mission trip in South America, climbing Flatirons in Colorado, hunting a grizzly in Northern Canada, teaching at a summer youth camp, raising money for the homeless and committing his life to Christ.

The young man walks up to the desk, the grand-father takes a key on a chain from around his neck and opens the trunk. Inside, the father and grand father take out some of the unique contents. First, is an old sword and sheath, it is adorned with crosses and other Christian symbols. The father tells the young man to kneel. The father takes the sword and places it on the young mans shoulder in knighting fashion. The father recites an oath as the young man repeats the words. His father then presents the sword to his son “Take this in recognition of the morals, values and courage you have learned, let it be symbol of your warrior spirit and to remember to protect your family when needed.”

The grand-father pulls an old frayed and worn bible from the chest. He opens it and it bears the names of his father, grandfather, great grand father and many uncles. The grand-father explains that this bible was his great, great grandfathers and has been passed to the men in the family for the past 150 years. In this bible are notes and passages underlined by all the prominent men in the family. The grand father hands the bible to the young man and says “Take this and continue your spiritual quest, you have proven yourself as a worthy Christian man."

Next the father pulls an old leather book from the trunk, it is hand carved on the cover and looks like an old oak tree, and the young man has seen this book many times in his life. Each time he sat with his father and learned specific lessons about spirituality, finances, morals, and leadership his dad would read from this book. The father opens the book to a page filled with many signatures and dates from the last 100 years. 

The boy is handed a fountain pen and told to inscribe his signature and the date. His father says “You are now entered into the book of leaders, of real men. You have passed numerous tests and proved that you are a capable and fair leader.” 

The grand-father now pulls a small black velvet box from the trunk, he hands it to the young man. The young man opens the box to see a set of keys and a piece of paper bearing a bank address with an account number and signature card. The grand-father proclaims “This is an investment account in your name, it was opened when you were 5 years old and contributed to your entire life, it now holds investments worth over $460,000 in it. You have passed many financial tests and have proven that you are worthy of using this money for you and your future family.”

Next the boy’s pastor comes forward and asks all to bow their heads in prayer. The pastor prays for the boy and thanks God for all that he has accomplished, he prays to continue to guide this young man during the next phase of his life. When the pastor is finished another man hands the boy a fine cigar and 15 year old glass of cognac in a crystal class. Everyman in the room now holds a cigar and glass of cognac; they toast the young man and clap in applause for him.

Each man lines up and in turn comes forward and congratulates him, they all offer him a small gift to remember the occasion. A compass with his initials engraved, a plaque bearing his family name and crest. After all have congratulated the young man the gentlemen walk through a side door in the study, the young man is the last to walk through the door and immediately he hears a loud roar of applause and yelling. He is now in a large banquet room and all his friends and family are present standing around large tables decorated like a wedding reception.

All the gentlemen are seated at a long table in which the young man takes his seat in the center. Once again they toast the young man and then sit down to a hand catered meal. During the meal, each gentleman stands up and says a few words and shares a story about the young man and his voyage to true greatness. After the meal, the boy’s father and mother take him back into the study. His mother pulls one last item from the trunk, a very large leather book; the size of a photo album, the boy looks through the pages and sees pictures of very memorable moments in his life from the time he was born. Sports events, awards he won, fishing trips, family vacations, and his Christian youth group. Beside each photo is a small narrative written by his parents and other family members and friends, they each share their memories of the young man at his event and how proud they are of him.

The boy hugs his parents and tears fill his eyes, he is so grateful for all they have done. His mother shows him the last 20 pages or so of the photo book, they are blank. “These are for you to fill with your next journey, your marriage, your future family, it is for you to continue and pass on your Legacy to future generations.” 

The boy is filled with confidence and is ready to take on the world.

The parents are proud and happy in knowing that their son is now ready for any trial that life has in store for him and with God's help and the knowledge he has gained, his life will be destined for true greatness.

How would you feel if someone would have done this for you?

How would you feel after 10 years of mentorship and you finally made it to this night?

What kind of confidence would this instill in you knowing that these men and family members believe you are ready for this type of responsibility?

I would feel like a strong and confident man, capable of taking on whatever the world decided to throw my way.

Okay, how do you get to here from wherever you are now?

That is what Legacy Dad is all about. It is about the core principles to pass on, the training involved, the tests he takes, the memories and adventures, and how to put it all together into an easy road map that you can tailor and follow.

It is about taking your children through a process and finally culminating at this unique crossing over ceremony, not because of their age, but because they have proven themselves capable. It is at this point that you will realize that you did all you could, you left no stone unturned and you molded your child into a strong, healthy Christian adult. It is also at this point that your child will never forget this day and all you have done and sacrificed for them, they will forever feel a closeness to you unlike any ever found.

Welcome to Legacy Dad

-Esse Quam Videri-

The Legacy Dad Life Map

My first instinct was to type out every minute detail of this process but something told me to simple give you a snap shot and let you see the process unfold on my blog. Here is the Legacy Dad Process in summarized form with minimal details.

 

The ultimate goal of Legacy Dad is to create this in our children:

 
Security in their Hearts

Significance in their lives

Strength for the future

The "Real" Essential Life Skills

Spiritual morals as a Compass

 
I was in search for an authentic, Christian parenting style. A style that created a close bond with my children, created a more dynamic and happy family, instilled Christian values and other life skills that my wife and I deem important and prepared our children in a number of certain areas for life.  

I wanted my children to grown up to become mature and experienced in the following areas: 

Spirituality – Faith
Morals and Values
Leadership
Marriage and Relationships
Finances and Investing

I was confused and I wanted a process, a map to follow to help this style of parenting along. I wanted my children to have rights of passage, to learn “real world” values and to culminate in a Legacy Crossover, where my children were now congratulated on their progress and reassured they were ready for the world.

 So, I read a bunch of books, mostly Christian based. Each one had its own unique area but nothing all inclusive. So I decided to come up with my own road map and call it Legacy Dad. This is a work in progress and will be refined as the years pass.

Legacy Dad is a program to mentor and guide your children from birth to adulthood in all things spiritual while adding life skills that you, the parent, deem important.  Legacy Dad researches the top methods and programs for attaining this type of mentorship relationship and then puts them into a personally customizable parenting package to fit your parenting needs and style.  

The Foundation of Legacy Dad is Grace Based Parenting.

Grace Based Parenting:

• Accepts Children regardless of their merit
• Serves Children's needs without a sense of obligation
• Motivates children to a higher holiness with condemnation

Grace Based Parenting happens when we apply four key areas  to our children's lives:

Create and Maintain an atmosphere of grace.

Focus on Meeting their Three Inner Needs.

Build Character in their heart

Aim them at True Greatness rather than success.

As a child gets older, the amount of control by parents loosens as the child begins to make their own decisions and learns from mistakes with their parents guidance.            

Legacy Phase I: Prepatory Phase - This is from birth to around age 9.

Some of the key factors of this area are:

Ensuring my children felt secure and loved in their own unique way
Teaching your children discipline and obedience
The Moral Reasons Why
Character Pillars
Discussions on Sex
Introducing a strong Christian faith and belonging
Spending Abundant Time with your children
Creating Family Memories
Teaching the Basics of Money: Spending, Saving and Charity
Setting a Strong Example in all of the Legacy Areas

 
Phase II: Pre-Adolescence – This is from age 9-12.

We continue with all the key factors of Phase I and add the following:

Deeper self discipline and respect for others and ourselves
Team Sports – Teamwork
Begin Confirmation of Faith
Checking Account, Basic Investing, Basic Business skills
Deeper Gender Specific Guidance – Puberty, Dating, Sex
Creative Expression
Responsibility and Real Life Decision Making
Implementing morals and values into real life situations

 

Phase III: Adolescence – Ages 12-14 – Focused Training Begins

This is the stage where your plan is fully revealed to your child; your child starts to search for their own answers but is still seeking guidance from the parents. 

This phase you tell your child of this process but not every detail.  I came up with a compelling way to introduce this process to my children. A way that creates mystery, intrigue and challenges them to want to take this journey.  I focus on the end rewards and the greater happiness, wealth and spiritual closeness they will feel by taking the journey.

Some of the tools included in this area are:

Specific books to read that spark conversation and reinforce the Legacy Dad Pillars as well as reflect on what is learned.
A Journal kept by your children to record this journey and their thoughts.
Practicing Grace Based Parenting.
Opportunity Training - Pressure to instill moral decision making.
A Yearly Family Adventure.
An End of Phase Real World Test in one of the Legacy Dad Pillars.

 

Phase IV: Teens – Ages 14-16 – Cause and Effect

 

This stage is where you child is starting to take their own path and we need to support it but also be there to influence and guide it subtly. Being too overbearing will cause your child to rebel and we address ways to mitigate that.

More Advanced Books and Concepts enforcing the Legacy Dad Pillars.
Opportunity Training continues to further refine character traits and morals.
Yearly Family Adventure
Life Skills that are not taught in school.
Real World Test in one of the Legacy Dad Pillars.
Moral Decision making in Real World Scenarios

Phase V: Entering Womanhood and Manhood - Ages 16-18- Choosing Direction 

This is the critical stage in most children’s lives; they are striking out on their own, making their own decisions and deciding their own destinies. We focus extensively on this phase to re-enforce biblical principles and continue to cultivate the Legacy Dad Life Map while also giving our children the freedom to try their own paths and giving them the freedom to fail.

We also add more difficult real world tests and yearly adventures that will leave memories that last for a lifetime. Here are some possibilities for these adventures: 

Christ in the Tetons
Father and Son Grizzly Hunt
Brio Mother Daughter Cruise
Date With Destiny 
Youth Encounter
Habitat For Humanity
Tom Brown Jr's Survival School
Boundary Waters Canoe Trips
Dog Sled Adventures

These adventures are not meant to be a walk in the park, adding an air of adventure and difficulty further teaches the lesson and forms a tighter bond between the participants.

My wife and I did a 7-day canoe adventure into primitive Canada when were still dating,  There was no towns, motorized vehicles or boats from days 2-6 and only a few other people.  The trip consisted of running out of food, bathing in a lake, having one of our camp sites (an island) raided by a bear and another raided by wolves.  We also fished and caught crayfish to eat.  After seven days, we made it out and checked into a local hotel and ate pizza all night.  At the time, we thought it was pure hell, especially my wife, it was the most challenging thing she had ever done.  Now, she looks back at that trip with fond memories and of all the bonding we did together on that trip.  It is one of our best memories together. 

These trips or ones you devise are also where we hold the crossing over ceremony. This is a ceremony signifying their movement into manhood or womanhood.

 

Security in their Hearts

Significance in their lives

Strength for the future

The "Real" Essential Life Skills

Spiritual morals as a Compass

 

Phase VI: College – Graduate Phase – Ages 18-? - Implementing Their Skills

This is the phase where you let them go out in the world and try on their own. They will make mistakes and you need to support them no matter what. You will continue with the Legacy Dad Life Map but at their pace and desire.

 
Phase VII: Marriage – Age? - The End of the Journey 

This is the final stage of the Legacy Dad Life Map, at this time you are simply a bystander and mentor. I have yet to determine at which year in the marriage the ultimate Legacy is revealed. I believe we all go through some early struggles in our marriage and those are valuable to our marital process. Possibly at the birth of a first child would be a good point? This will then give them the chance to start their own Legacy program?

 

The ultimate goal of Legacy Dad is to create this in our children: 

Security in their Hearts

Significance in their lives

Strength for the future

The "Real" Essential Life Skills

Spiritual morals as a Compass