29 May 2010, Posted by Lance in General, No Comments.

Metro is Dead. Long live the Cave Man!

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I was sitting in an office the other
day and noticed a copy of GQ lying on a table. 
As I picked it up, I noticed a primped and polished picture of Shia LeBeouf
on the cover.   I asked the woman in the
office if she thought these feminine looking, Twilight guys were
attractive.  She said yes, if the guy is young
and single. However, anyone over 27 trying to pull that off looks like a fool.  I scratched my scruffy beard and wondered if
I was just too old to get it?  According to the article, the
metrosexual man is dead.  For those of
you who don’t keep up with this nonsense, myself included.

The
typical metrosexual is a young man with money to spend, living in or within
easy reach of a metropolis – because that's where all the best shops, clubs,
gyms and hairdressers are. He might be officially gay, straight or bisexual,
but this is utterly immaterial because he has clearly taken himself as his own
love object and spends his time primping and polishing his outward appearance
in hopes of capturing everyone’s attention. 
Common activities of a metrosexual are body waxing, tanning, manicures
and endlessly shopping for the latest fashions that are peddled by the fashion magazines.
   

For some time now, old-fashioned (re)productive, repressed,
unmoisturized heterosexuality has been given the pink slip by consumer
capitalism. The stoic, self-denying, modest straight male didn't shop enough
(his role was to earn money for his wife to spend), and so he had to be
replaced by a new kind of man, one less certain of his identity and much more
interested in his image – that's to say, one who was much more interested in
being looked at (because that's the only way you can be certain you actually
exist). A man, in other words, is a walking narcissist.

 

Apparently society has come back to its
senses and realized that young men today are far too feminine.  Where are the John Waynes and Clint Eastwoods
of the new generations?  I have noticed
far too many boys today who would rather play Xbox 360 or some magical card
game than go fishing or hike the face of a mountain?  The good news is that the pendulum seems to
be swinging back the other way and hopefully landing somewhere in the
middle.  Sorry ladies, the overly
feminine man with perfect fingernails is starting to be replaced by a cross between
Prince William and Moses! 

And speaking of Moses, celebrities like
Zach Galifianakis, Brad Pitt and Joaquin Phoenix are all now embracing
the old fashioned cave man look again, a good sign of the changing times. 

In all seriousness, I still feel, teach and try to emulate
the etiquette and demeanor of the English Gentlemen.  A man must be refined, educated and cultured
but also have the skills of Survivorman and be allowed to drink some beer with
the guys during the Super Bowl.  The
Modern Gentlemen is honest, lives a life of character and sets the example for
others.  He is kind to others, especially
woman and displays the utmost respect and courtesies in their presence.  Furthermore, he must have a noble cause to
fight for, help the poor and the environment and provide for his family. 

How can one man do all this?  Do we need to buy a red cape and hang it in
the closet?