Legacy Dad

The Law of the Lid

When I first started running 15 years ago, I thought I was pretty good.  Let me preface this story by saying that I absolutely hate running but due to my profession, it was a mandatory event.  However, I was able to run at a 6:30 minute per mile pace with ease and this was generally excellent for the company that I kept.  A few months later, I started running with a more elite group of guys and they were running an average of 5:15 – 5:30 minute miles for up to 8 miles.  This killed me.  I literally told myself that this pace was impossible for me because I was not in good enough shape.  The guys I ran with did some “mild” persuasion and assisted (forced) me to maintain this pace for a continuous basis and within a few weeks, I too was running the blazing pace.

In my mind and body this pace was unimaginable just few weeks prior, what had changed?

I was reading Dante’s recent post where he really shared his heart in his writing and I got to thinking that some people probably read this blog and think:

“That’s nice, great aspirations, good Christian men but not everyone can live up to that standard?” 

“I’m doing better than a lot of other guys I know, why change and cause discomfort?”

 “No one really lives like that, that’s just words.  They’re extreme”

First, my wife and friends read this blog, so I have to be truthful and accountable to what I say.  Second is what John Maxwell refers to as the Law of the Lid. 

Maxwell asserts the Law of the Lid in leadership is the ability to only rise as high as those around you. Meaning, when you associate with mediocrity, you are mediocre.  When you associate with the elite, you become elite. 

Just like my running, I thought I was pretty good until I saw some guys who raised the bar for me.

I used to drink, party, treat my wife badly and live an ungodly life.  In fact, much like Paul, I would ridicule and persecute Christians for there “holier than thou attitude.”  But then someone came into my life and raised the bar for me.  I started associating with men of character and class.  I started following the examples of men who treated their wives and families as a precious gift from God.

A very successful man once told me the person I would be in five years time depended on the books I read and the people I associated with.  Garbage in, garbage out.

I know this message may fall on deaf ears for some but for others I hope it allows you to take a look at life and ask who you are associating with?  What are you reading?  What are you watching?  Who are your role models?  Where is your bar currently?

Raising the bar isn’t easy, it forces us out of our comfort zone and makes us live life at a higher standard.  Plus, we have to be accountable to this new standard, it is very easy to slip back into mediocrity.

Dante and I are hardly perfect and I would not wish my life mistakes on anyone, but we are dedicated to the process of becoming Legacy Dads.  This process means life changes, association changes and media changes.  To some it may seem radical, extreme.  They cannot see the 5:30 mile as a reality.  To others, it is everyday life as a Legacy Dad.  Is it worth it?  Ask my family.

It’s a new year, time for changes and resolutions.  Why not make your resolution to be the best husband and father you can be for your family.  Lead the pack, set the example and leave a legacy.          

When you’re ready to submit and have your life filleted open for all to see and then be held accountable for your actions, you are ready to run with the elite.  This is spiritual manhood and maturity.  It’s not a choice everyman will make but it is a choice every man could make.   

I am not the man I used to be

 There are many days that I often look back at the man I used to be.  The one thing that I love about this blog is that Lance puts it all out there.  That is, he is not afraid to tell you where he has been very honest about the mistakes he has made, and he also puts it out there for the rest of us to see- that is called true accountability.  He also leaves a road map for us to follow and that is Scripturally based and calls for us to repent and to be brutally honest with our lives.  In my life, there are a lot of things that I have done that I am not proud of and there have been things in my life that I cannot say anything else but, "Thank you God for always being faithful, even when I am not."  The hardest part about looking back in my life is to try and compare the man that I was and the man that I am trying to be and if I am brutally honest, realizing just how close I am to falling back to the old self.  

Let me be perfectly honest with all of you here.  When I first met my wife, I was anything but pure.  I had defiled my temple with all kinds of sinful nature stuff.  Lust and pride where huge issues in my life as a twenty something bachelor and I did not think twice about the ramifications of my choices.  However, sin has consequences and sin can destroy a lot of things in our life.  Sure, at the time, it seems like a great idea, but how can we justify sin to a Holy God?  We cannot!  I cannot expect the Holy Spirit to grow me to the man that God wants me to be if I have unrepentant sin in my life.  So when I met my wife, she was pure and she was honest and she was innocent.  She (and help from my mom who had a massive heart attack - asked me to start reading my bible) started to get me to attend her Sunday Morning Class and help teach 2 and 3 year olds a Bible Study - ugh!  Now that was a rude awakening to what parenting would look like.  

The thing about the consequences of my sins were that they continued to haunt me in the first few   years of my marriage, that is, I used to be able to justify normal behavior as just the daily jaunts of life.  That was a lie and that was revealed to me in Scripture.  I was grieving the Holy Spirit in my life by not repenting of sin and allowing myself to try and serve two masters - meaning there was no fruit in my life.  However, I didn't like that man and I didn't like the type of legacy that I was paving for my children.  My wife and I talked and we/I was brutally honest about my struggles and my sins and she said so do something about it and we grew a lot closer.  The more that I prayed and the more that I read Scripture the more convicted I felt and the more Scripture revealed in me the things that I needed to let go of.  And then, suddenly, the things of this world grew dimmer and the things of our heavenly Father's will grew more apparent - less of me and more of Him in every aspect of my life.

Another aspect of my marriage was that my wife and I were asked to take a leadership course in our church called Living Fire.  The course was a three years in all.  The first year was to ask of you two major questions:  1) Who is God (in our lives) and 2) Who am I (and where did my past story take me to this point in my life).  I have to be honest and say that as a graduate from college in Finance and having my Master's degree in Accounting and Economics, I did not think that this was going to be such a big deal (was I wrong).  Between this course and my daily prayers and bible reading I slowly started becoming the man that I want to be striving for daily to be:  To be a righteous man, to be a really good husband and father and to love God will all my heart, soul, strength and mind.  In the past 3 years my marriage has really grown and the friendship and love with my wife is simply unbelievable.  My hope and my prayer is that I can model this faith, daily walk and husbandry and parenting to our three lovely kids.

There are three themes we need to get a masters degree in:  I.  Biblical Purity II. Biblical Stewardship and III. Discipleship.  If you are married, you need to get a doctorate degree in your wives.  Just imagine if we spent half the time on our wives (studying them, trying to perfect them and nurturing them) as we do our sports, hobbies and other interests - Wow!  That would really be something.  So where do we begin:

 1) Read Colossians 3, 2) Read Romans 12, 3) Repent and 4) Move to action - get involved in a men's bible study, a mini-church, an accountability group.  Repent of your sin (Jesus said that you cannot serve two masters).  Be honest with your life, that is, give up your pride.  Take simple steps:  Read your bible daily, meditate on what you read, pray on that Scripture that convicts you to move you to change.  

When you find yourself moving into these simple four steps, trust me, for an instant just look back on your life (for a gander) and realize that you, too, will no longer be the man you used to be.  You will be a man that God wants to use, grow, disciple and mentor others.  That, my friend, will be a beautiful day for your church leadership - as you will be a man that can be called to action.

Live each day in order to be the kind of man that when you wake up, the devil will say, "Oh Crap, he is up again..."

The Husband and Father Your Wife and Children Deserve

I want you to think back about when you first became a Christian or when you made a major life decision?  Who did you go to seek advice about this decision?  Whose example made you consider this change? 

9 times out of 10, we follow the examples and life decisions of people we respect.  A Parent, a Coach, a Leader or a Friend.  Someone held influence over us and we trusted their example and respected their character.  Now let me ask you this?  Are you being that person for someone else?

I’m sitting here in another foreign country, far from my family during the Holidays and reading a book about one of the most successful football coaches of all time.  His walk with Christ began when he noticed men that he respected had changed their lives in major ways by coming to Christ.  The funny thing is, the people who set this example had no idea that someone was watching them or making decisions based on their example.

Now let me tie this in with Dante’s posts on Purity.

Have you ever wondered why guys like Tiger Woods or Kobe Bryant cheat on their wives?  They have money, fame, and some really beautiful wives and then they throw it all away for one night of passion or to put another notch in their count of women they have been with?   We look at these examples and say “What an idiot, he had it all and throw it all away!”   

I guarantee, at this very moment, someone is looking at your life and your family and wishing they had what you had.

This realization really hit me a few years ago when a friend of mine stated this to me.   My friend just wanted to have a loving wife and family but he was sadly going through his second divorce.  Both times, his wives had cheated on him.  He didn’t come out and say it directly, but in a moment of emotion he asked me how I did it with my family.  He had been watching. 

Over the last two years, wives have asked my wife if I would talk to their husbands or if being around me could somehow rub off on their husbands.  I was dumbfounded. 

To me there is an unwritten guy code and unless I am a very close accountability friend; I wouldn’t go and tell some guy that his marriage is screwed up.  However, my example was speaking volumes and other people had been watching.   

Because of my ignorance and selfishness, I almost lost my beautiful wife and children once.  Once I almost lost them, the realization hit me of what I was really losing.  I had the most beautiful woman that other guys envied and two beautiful children, one boy and one girl.  People close to me were saying “What an idiot, he had it all and throw it all away!”  Does this sound familiar?  Luckily, God intervened and brought me close to the edge but didn’t let me fall over it.  I made a vow to God and my wife that I would become, not what society said was a good husband, but what my wife and children deserved.      

What does your wife and children deserve? 

If there are any questions read  - Ephesians 5: 25-33

We are setting the example everyday by what we do, what we say, and the lives we lead.  The slightest flirtation with a co-worker or other woman should never rear its ugly head when we are on duty.  Our words should uplift and edify others.  Our work ethic should be superior.  We should wear our Character and Integrity on our sleeves for everyone to see because whether we like it or not, people are watching.  Someone is watching you every day and wondering if this Christianity thing is really worth it.

Are we perfect? Hardly.  Do we make mistakes?  Always.  But as Russell Crow stated in Gladiator “What we do in life, echoes in eternity.”

I choose to be the husband and father my wife and children deserve.

Home is where the heart is...

I want to apologize to all of you as Lance and I have been away (I am traveling) and have not been as frequent on our posts.  Today, we are going to move back toward our previous posts on purity.  As you all know, life can be very busy and work can be very demanding on a precious time with God and with Family.  Sometimes we can even let the pressures of this world distract us from what, we are who called by Christ, should really be focusing on.  Does this mean that we are not to serve those who we work for on this earth with all of our God-given abilities?  Absolutely not!  Even if we find ourselves in difficult situations and do not like the situations that we are "serving" (working, leisure activities, family demands, etc.,) we still have to serve that calling as we are called to serve God. 

As Christians we are told in Scripture that this World will not be easy.  That we will find trials and tribulations in this life, but that we should not be upset by this, but instead, take pride in the sense that we are being tested.  And in being tested, as we come through the trial or in some cases the tribulation, then we mature as Christians and can move closer to God (Paraphasing the Book of James).  The question that needs to be asked here to all men (Single, Fathers, Dads, Sons, Grandfathers, Widowers, etc) is where is your heart.  Mathew 5:8, "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God." 

Imagine the most beautiful and pure thing that you have ever seen in your life (a scene, a picture, your little girl, your pure son...).  Now imagine what they would look like if they were 120% defiled and left dirty and disgusting and/or violated to the point that it/they could never be returned back to the way you first imagined that image.  That is what was wrong with you and I as sin entered our lives.  To God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit and His Holy Word (The Bible) we are condemned through sin and are not able to even enter the same chamber with this impurity.  Yet, God, who loved us so much decided that we needed the only sacrifice that would permanently wash us clean.  That is, once and for all, the old tabernacle would no longer be in need as God was to give us his only begotten son.  Jesus paid it all, if you accept him and believe in him, then you will be saved.  If you have already done that - AWESOME!  Hallelujah!  Glory be to God for your salvation.  Now what?

Purify yourself.  This begins with daily reading of Scripture, daily prayer and repentance of the heart.  This means "death" of the old self as we, being children of God, are now called to be holy priests and prophets and kings in our home, community and work place.  We are kidding ourselves if we think we can serve two masters:  sin and God.  We cannot, because if we continue to defile ourselves, that is our bodies (living temples of God) then we cannot move closer to him and we faily our daily trials and tribulations.  ANd where there is no fruit (of the Spirit - Galatians 5) then there may be no salvation. 

If you and I are serious about God and about our faith in Him, then we need to decide right here and now whether God is more than enough for our needs.  We have to decide if we are going to allow God in all parts of our life, that is, will you allow God to be Lord over our entire life?  Let's get serious about true purity of heart, mind, sould and our strength and allow God to work in our lives through the Holy Spirit who dwells in our hearts.  Remove the impurities (sin) and clean house to allow God to grow us into mature Chrisitans to do his work here on earth.
Where is your heart today? 

To husbands and fathers....

If you are a man and you are married, and if by chance you have the pleasure of having kids with your wife, then this blog is for you.    If you are divorced, re-married and with step-kids, then this post is for you.  If you are single and/or recently divorced and have kids, then this post is for you.  If you are single and not married and just struggling, then have patience - we will come back to you in another post.  For those that are still reading, then this one is for you.  

The Bible is the true Word of God.  The Bible is true and accurate from cover to cover.  The Bible is the inherent Word of God.   Now that I have your attention please turn your Bibles to Ephesians 5:22-29 (New International Version)

Wives and Husbands

 ²²Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. ²³For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ²⁴Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

 ²⁵Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶to make her holy, cleansing^[a] her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—"

Now guys, before you go on and say to your wives, "see what Paul says, you have to submit to me"  - BE CAREFUL.  Read on my friends.  It says Husbands love your wives just as Christ loves the Church AND he gave himself up for her.  Don't just brush over that, but seriously, think on that.  Did it say he gave himself partially?  Did it say after golf, or after time with my buddies and after me, me and me?  NO.  He gave Himself on the Cross for you and I and that is what we, THE SPIRITUAL LEADERS of our house and of our family are called to do.  We are called to love our wives and to give ourself up for them.  This doesn't say that you have to be a wimp nor does it say that you have to wear a skirt in the household.  The woman has her place and the man has his place and in some cases that may require that both parents are working.  Whatever lot you are cast and whatever vocation you have to follow, one thing is for sure (your wife may not admit to it, nor can she fathom what Spiritual Leadership truly looks like if you haven't followed the aforementioned scripture).  However, if you were to find yourself taking these steps and honoring her and loving her as Christ loves us, and giving yourself up for her the way that Christ did for His Church - WATCH AND SEE MY FRIENDS - WATCH AND SEE what happens.

Some of you may be in a situation that seems hopeless.  Some may have even wandered away and cheated on your wives in adultery or even worse through pornography - Oh, you say that either one is worse then the other - SIN IS SIN.  Remember what Jesus said in Mathew, paraphrasing that if we even look lustfully at another women (at work, on the computer, in a magazine or a social network- Facebook...then we have already committed adultery.  Hmmm?  It is pretty hard to argue with Jesus let alone His Scripture.    

So is there hope for those of you that are in this situation?  In Job 34:31-33 we read, "Suppose a man says to God, 'I am guilty' but will offend no more.  Teach me what I cannot see; if I have done wrong, I will not do so again.  Should God then reward you on your terms when you refuse to repent?  You must decide..."  In 1 Peter 3:7 we read, "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers."  

Do you desire to have a Christ-centered life?  A Christ-centered marriage?  Then it is very clear what Scripture has to say; do not barter with God.  He is a Holy God and we need to repent our hidden sin to him - no matter what the sin (or in some cases the idol) may be.  Jesus paid the ultimate price once and for all, that is, to say, that nothing else we can do on our own can save us.  Jesus paid our price in full and we are written in the Book of Life forever.  Scripture does ask us to move toward living sacrifices (Romans 12) and to move toward Holy Living (Colossians 3).  

If you love your kids?  Let me say that again, IF YOU LOVE YOUR KIDS, THEN love your wives.  Respect your wives and treat them as heirs to God and Heaven as they are daughters of God through Jesus's blood.  We are engrafted into his family with a price - His Blood.  No matter where you are at in your life:  Single, Divorced, Divorced with Kids, Divorced and re-married, Married (barely), Married mediocre, Married poorly, Married with kids and/or Married happily with Kids - The choice is very clear - it begins with you getting on your knees and repenting of the sin that we have in our lives and moving closer to God through his word and through prayer. Then we can move in our marriage, our singleness and in our brokenness and allow God to heal us and to sanctify us when we no longer grieve the Holy Spirit that is in us.   

Do you understand?

 

Wordless Wednesday

 
 

The Greatest Story Ever Told

This Christmas season, open up the Bible to the Books of Mathew, Mark, Luke and John and read about how much God loves you and me...

The Birth of Jesus Foretold

Luke 1: ²⁶In the sixth month, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee,²⁷to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin's name was Mary. ²⁸The angel went to her and said, "Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you."

 ²⁹Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. ³⁰But the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. ³¹You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. ³²He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, ³³and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end."

 ³⁴"How will this be," Mary asked the angel, "since I am a virgin?"

 ³⁵The angel answered, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called^[c] the Son of God. ³⁶Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be barren is in her sixth month. ³⁷For nothing is impossible with God."

 ³⁸"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said." Then the angel left her.

 
   

 
  

A child was born, God incarnate, who came to this earth, born of a virgin.  He began his ministry at the age of thirty and for three years changed the course of this world forever. Upon completion of his ministry he gave us the ultimate Christmas present:  Salvation. Behold, He stands at the door and knocks....

What a tremendous gift.  Will you step forward and be his disciple?

 
 

 

Behold the Lamb

Tonight I had the privilege to attend Andrew Petersen and a few of his song-writer friends in concert called, "Behold the Lamb."  I went with two really good friends and really enjoyed seeing the heart of biblically based songwriters.  The two friends of mine are also worship leaders (at my church) and are very talented in their own right and also have a true heart of worship.  The point that I am trying to make is that this Christmas season, take a fresh look at the "old" Christmas songs and listen to some new Christmas Songs and give Worship and Praise to the one true King who deserves our praise, after all, he took our sins away and made us anew.

May God bless you and keep you and make his face shine upon you this Christmas Season.

So come to this place of worship and sing a new song, a hymn, a melody and a praise to the one true King who deserves all of our praise.

The Great Condition...

Matthew 28:16-20 (New International Version)

The Great Commission

 ¹⁶Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. ¹⁷When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. ¹⁸Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. ¹⁹Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in^[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

 

o⋅be⋅di⋅ence

  [oh-bee-dee-uhns]  Show IPA

Use obedience in a Sentence

–noun

1.	the state or quality of being obedient.

 

2.	the act or practice of obeying; dutiful or submissive compliance: Military service demands obedience from its members.

 

3.	a sphere of authority or jurisdiction, esp. ecclesiastical.

 

4.	Chiefly Ecclesiastical. a. conformity to a monastic rule or the authority of a religious superior, esp. on the part of one who has vowed such conformance.   b. the rule or authority that exacts such conformance

 

We are quick to reach the disconnected and sometimes slow in growing the connected. That is not because of church leadership or anyone else around us, but rather, because of our individual unwillingness to submit and obey and grow.  In our recent posts we have been talking about purity and moving toward holiness.  In Mathew 28, we read about Jesus charging us to go and making disciples, BUT we sometimes miss the rest of that sentence, “²⁰and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you…”  Did you get that?  Not only does He say to go and make disciples, but he says to teach them to obey everything that God has commanded.  We do that through obedience.  Through multiple exercises of discipline in reading God’s word, praying and meditating and talking with Him daily, hourly and whatever we need to do in order to stop being disobedient.  Obedience will clearly begin the process toward purity.