Here in Arizona, you will see that the environment in Arizona is extremely harsh.  120 degrees in summer, long days, not a lot of shade – it takes a lot for plants to survive.  Then in winter, when the temperature drops below freezing, the damage is instantaneous and severe.  And the soil is clay, rocky, and like a dry sponge so that when the monsoon rains come in July and August, the ground floods with rapid moving water.  If a young plant begins its life in a greenhouse, with the perfect climate, the perfect amount of water, the best soil, one may naturally think that plant has a head start on native born plants.  Yet move that plant into the real world’s environment, it will whither and die in the sun, the foliage will freeze and kill the plant in the winter, the monsoon will rip out the roots in the rain.

Interesting, though, when we plant a new plant in our yard, we will use a green sun clothe on the hottest days and throw a blanket on it on the coldest days.  The young plant grows strong roots that penetrate deep into the ground finding the scarce water supply.  As the foliage grows, it becomes accustom to the relentless sun.  The young plant, through a supervised encounter with the real environment will have no problems surviving when it reaches maturity.

Mammals have endoskeletons, shellfish have exoskeletons.  If I cracked a lobster’s shell, foreign bodies would invade the lobster’s internal organs and the lobster would die.  If I broke your arm, we would reset the bone (I say “we”, but if “I” broke it, you may not let “me” help you reset it), immobilize it for a few months, and you’d be good as new soon (I’ve also heard that the mended bone grows back stronger).  Building character over molding behavior – we can force our kids to comply while they live under our roof.  And we can keep everything that we deem evil from their lives by not allowing them to see TV, not allowing them to surf the net, not allowing them to see movies.  People say they are building character through good behavior and by not allowing their kids to watch Aladdin even though they will explain to their kids why the Disney movie is bad – by teaching their kids how to act because the action models the character they want their kids to own.  But these kids are going to leave the home and will absolutely have to deal with the very things their parents never allowed them to interact with in the early years – except this time their kids are not under the roof of a loving home, the consequences can be severe.

Many parenting experts offer you the advice akin to the council Job received.  Grace Based Parenting offers a comprehensive parenting philosophy: Create an atmosphere of grace, focus on meeting the three driving inner needs in your children, do not react to their behavior but instead build six character traits into their lives, and aim them at true greatness rather than the world’s shallow lure of success.  Is it that simply?  No.  It takes a lot to learn how to do that.

These concepts are supported through scripture.  The atmosphere of grace is not what your do, it how you do what you do (that’s a mouthful and I may have missed a comma in there).  It’s not how God raised his kids, it’s how he treats his children (us).  If you were driving 60 in a 35, you may suddenly see a fast approaching police car treating you to a neat light show, so you pull over.  Instead of stopping behind you, the police officer decides to give your car a little bump, after which he come tearing out of the car and starts screaming at you, rips your drivers license from your hand, stomps back to his cruiser only to return (still screaming) with a ticket that he throws at you.

That’s not how God disciplines his children (and fortunately for the folks in Arizona, we have photo radar, so it’s unlikely that you will ever get pulled over for speeding, but if it did happen, the police don’t act like that either).  The three driving inner needs are exactly what the serpent distorted to deceive Eve and are what Satan used to tempt Jesus.  The six character traits will produce behavior, but will not guarantee it.  Our kids will make the mistakes, but please, let’s let them make them when the stakes aren’t as high (while they still live under our protection).  And true greatness answers the questions, what do you want for your kids?  Most people say, I want them to be successful, a good job, find a good looking mate, have a life of self-determination, and make a name for themselves (wealth, beauty, power, and fame).  True greatness is a different target – it points kids toward humility, generosity, gratefulness, and a servant spirit. 

See Overprotective Parents, Underdeveloped Children: Part 2